


Call it 'Destiny'

by theonceandfuturequeen



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-23
Updated: 2011-04-23
Packaged: 2017-10-18 13:01:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/189152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theonceandfuturequeen/pseuds/theonceandfuturequeen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern AU. Merlin somehow finds himself hosting the latest morning breakfast show, Wake Up Britain, with none other than Arthur Pendragon. Of course, they hate each other on sight and bicker constantly, then they realise they're just a little bit in love with each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Call it 'Destiny'

Merlin would never drink again. Really, that was where this whole mess had started -- at Gwen's latest book launch last month, where champagne flowed like water and the waiters stopped just short of flinging canapes into peoples mouths with slingshots. Yes, it was all Gwen's fault and now Merlin found himself working with a person he completely hated and despised, except that he actually loved him and it took all Merlin's self control not to accost the stupid prat and ravish him right there on the ridiculously large green sofa in front of the camera's and the entire population of Britain and really it was all getting a bit out of hand because now Merlin was trying to decide between homicide and suicide and it was only 8am.

Merlin needed a drink. 

***

(Eight weeks earlier)

"Merlin," Gwen whined, evidently ignoring Merlin's emphatic head shaking. "Come on, it'll be fun."

Merlin took a momentary break from his head shaking to give Gwen a pointed look. "No, it won't be," he said firmly, memories of the mind-numbing dullness of Gwen's last book launch in his mind. "You'll abandon me to talk to boring entertainment-type business people and I'll get asked if I'm your assistant. Again."

Gwen pouted and Merlin felt his resolution waver just a bit. He wanted to help her, he really did and he knew that Gwen was only trying to make this event a success to please a very respectable client of P&R Publishing but he also knew how shockingly boring these events were for anybody who wasn't anybody. Like Merlin.

"I am sorry Gwen, I know you want this to be a success but there is absolutely no way I'm going," he said, with an air of finality in his voice.

"There's free food and it's an open bar," Gwen said. Then again, Merlin thought, anything to help out a friend. 

"I'll be ready in twenty minutes." 

This was Merlin's first mistake. Later that night, he found himself surrounded by boring entertainment-type business people and the party was even more unbearably dull that Merlin could have possibly imagined. Also, Gwen had lied. There was no free bar; only endless flutes of champagne being passed around by waitresses who continuously assured anyone they met that they were really an actress/singer/model. 

So this was how Merlin found himself at 10.30pm on a Wednesday night, sitting at the non-open bar clutching his drink and waiting for the next arrival of canapes when he felt movement to his side. He turned to face a cascade of ebony black hair and a Blackberry clutched to an ear.

"I don't care…you can tell Uther it'll be fine, I'll find somebody to replace the silly girl…yes, of course, by the end of the week - okay, bye!" With that, the woman turned to Merlin,  a grim smile on her face and returned the mobile to a tiny gold bag. 

Merlin passed the glass of champagne to the woman, stating, "Here, I think you need this more than I do." The woman didn't pause before draining the glass in one go. 

"God, I really did. Honestly, dealing with that man is worse than slaying a dragon," she said, more to herself. "I'm Morgana."

"Merlin," he replied. "These parties are dull enough, without adding being sober to the mix."

Morgana laughed, a high tinkle that showed off how beautiful she really was. If Merlin had even the slightest interest in girls, he would probably be falling over his feet to flirt with her. 

"Tell me about it, I'm only here supporting dear brother - he always manages to guilt me into coming," she said, as she turned around to score two more glasses off a passing tray and handed one to Merlin.

"Change that to 'flatmate' and it's my predicament exactly," Merlin clinked his glass against hers before taking a large gulp. "So what was all that about on the phone?"

Morgana sighed. "It was a whole big thing really. Basically, we had somebody, this silly twit called Sophia, to host this show I produce and now she's buggered off and we're left in the lurch. The previous hosts leave on Friday. I told Uther not to push to have Arthur host so fast but of course, he never listens to me. So I've got a find somebody who'll put up with Arthur's crap and whose also charming and able to do the show otherwise Uther will feed me to the dogs." She finished her rant and took a deep breath, followed by a large drink.

"Well…" Merlin said, feeling quite stunned. "That's quite a situation. Would you like to make a joke about my name to cheer you up? It amuses many people." When Morgana smiled but didn't laugh, he continued. "Have you got nobody in mind?"

Morgana shook her head, before quickly turning to look curiously at Merlin, who in turn felt quite worried. She had a very scary expression on her face. 

"This is gonna sound bizarre but would you be interested in doing the show?" she asked, as if it was a perfectly normal thing to ask someone you've just met.

Merlin spluttered. "Well -- I…er? What? You don't even know me?"

Morgana shrugged. "I know you're funny and nice and you understand the importance of alcohol which is very important when working with Arthur. Listen, just swing by tomorrow and we'll try you out with Arthur, see if the chemistry is there. Okay?" 

At this point, Merlin had just enough champagne that he didn't immediately refuse and run away. Fast. "Uh…I'm not--"

"Listen, I've got to dash. Here's my card and the address is on there too. Just, think about it." Morgana gave him a peck on the cheek before jumping down from the bar stool and pulling out her Blackberry and walking away.

Merlin sat shellshocked, holding the card in his hand and wondering what the hell had just happened. After a few moments, he regained his sanity long enough to glance down at the card to catch the address which read 'Morgana le Fay, Pendragon Tower, Bank, London'. Pendragon Tower. Uther Pendragon, one of the richest men in the country and Arthur Pendragon, his son and rumoured to be the new host of Wake Up Britain. Apparantly, now alongside Merlin.

 _'Oh hell'_ Merlin thought to himself. _'There is no way this can end well.'_

Later that night, after Merlin had regained his senses and Gwen had taken pity on him, they arrived home in a buzz of alcohol and free food. Their flat was always being described as 'cosy' which they knew was a fake compliment, actually meaning 'small' but it never bothered them. It was the best that an aspiring publisher and part-time waiter could afford in London. The first thing Merlin did was to slump on the sofa and pull out the food wrapped in napkins that he had stuffed into his jacket pockets when he thought nobody was looking. Gwen, too used to this to comment, just rolled her eyes and sat down next to him.

"Did you get any of the goat's cheese tart thingies?" she asked casually, sifting through the stolen food. 

Merlin shook his head. "Sorry, I was a bit distracted. Not up to my usual thieving standards tonight I'm afraid." He glanced over at Gwen who had an eyebrow raised, which Merlin knew, after being best friends for twelve years, to mean 'spill it'.  He thought she must have learnt it from Uncle Gaius because the resemblance was really quite similar. "I had a bit of a…strange encounter," he finally said, prompting a knowing look from Gwen.

"Ah, yes I saw you talking to Morgana," she said with a smile, "She's both lovely and terrifying at the same time."

Merlin laughed. "Yeah I got that -- wait you know Morgana?"

Gwen looked at him as if he were very slow, which happened too much for Merlin's liking. "Yes, I know her," she said slowly. "She's the boss's stepdaughter."

Merlin groaned, he'd completely forgotten the P in P&R Publishing stood for Pendragon. "God,is there anything the Pendragon's don't own?" 

"Nope," Gwen replied cheerfully, "They're taking over the world, one industry at a time. What did Morgana want with you anyway?"

Merlin looked at her, trying to decide how to put this. "Well, she kind of wanted me to be on this show she's producing."

Gwen sat bolt upright and turned to Merlin, gripping his arms. "Morgana wants you to host Wake Up Britain," she said, an air of incredulity in her voice.

Merlin nodded, "Ridiculous, I know. She said their host dropped out at the last minute and so they're desperate." 

Gwen gripped his arms tighter; really how was somebody so tiny so strong? Or was Merlin just outrageously weak? Probably both. 

A few minutes passed where Gwen just stared at him. "Uh Gwen?" he said, glancing at his arms. 

"What-- oh sorry?" she released him, but still continued to stare at him. "You have to do it," she stated suddenly.

"Uh what? Of course I can't do it! For one thing, I hate mornings," Merlin said, attempting a weak joke. Gwen looked at him as if he were stupid again. 

"Merlin," she began evenly. "Do you know what happens when people say no to the Pendragons?" When Merlin didn't reply, she continued ominously, "They don't."

Merlin gave her a look that clearly said: _'Seriously?'_ but Gwen just met his look with an equally serious one.

"Look, Uther Pendragon is my boss. He owns the publishing house, a television channel, half the stock market; not to mention everyone know's he's got the Prime Minister's ear. You're my friend. You turn down his stepdaughter, he is not going to be best pleased."

"Gwen--" Merlin began, seeing where this was going but Gwen interrupted him, "I know you don't want to do but please just go to the meeting. For me." 

Merlin was all set to argue his case until Gwen flashed him The Eyes that deserved their own capitalisation because Merlin could never resist them without feeling like he'd just told a five year old that Santa was a drunk wife-beater. 

"Okay, fine!" Merlin exclaimed. "I'll go -- for you" he added. 

Gwen squealed. "Ooh thank you. Chances are they wont want you to do it anyway."

***

Merlin's alarm woke him at the crack of dawn the next morning, aka 9am. He muttered something incoherent as his hand flung out to turn the wretched thing off or possibly smash it with a hammer. Something, however, caught his hand and proceeded to pull. Merlin gripped his duvet, clinging on for dear life.

"Oh no you don't sunshine," he heard a voice that belonged to that room mate of his who had the nerve to actually be a morning person. 

"Gwen, I'm up--I'm up! Stop pulling," he cried, tenderly crawling out of bed. Gwen smiled cheerily at him; surely it's not natural for someone to be so upbeat in the mornings? She must be a robot, Merlin decided groggily as he grabbed the cup of coffee she held out to him before she rushed off to leave for work.

He blearily showered and dressed, throwing on a pair of jeans and a deep blue jumper that he knew, even in his half-asleep state, looked quite nice on him. He then quickly ran a brush through his hair, knowing it was do him no good -- his hair had a will of its own. Leaving it at that, Merlin left. A Tube ride later and Merlin found himself staring up a Pendragon Tower, which was suitably intimidating. The security guards eyed him with unwarranted suspicion as he made his way across the foyer, to the Reception desk. A bored looking woman was filing her nails and Merlin cleared his throat to get her attention.

She glanced up at him. "Yes?" she asked, blankly.

"Er, I'm here to see Morgana le Fay?" Merlin said. The woman simply replied, "9th Floor" waving him towards the lift. Merlin nodded, before turning around -- right into somebody else. Hot coffee splashed over the man's shirt and he swore under his breath.

"I'm so sorry, oh god, are you--" Merlin began, feeling his face flush, before pale blue eyes glared at him and he was interrupted.

"Damn it you idiot, are you trying to give me 3rd degree burns?" the stranger snapped, pulling a tissue out of his pocket to dab down his soaking shirt. 

Merlin felt his temper flare. "I've said I'm sorry -- I'm happy to buy you a replacement drink," he said evenly, trying to calm himself.

"Why don't you buy me a new shirt instead?" he retorted, looking Merlin up and down. "Although I doubt you can afford it."

That was it; Merlin saw red. "I've apologised already; you don't have to be such an arse about it," he angrily shot back. Who the hell did this guy think he was? It was clearly an accident, Merlin's fault yes, but an accident nonetheless. 

The man looked up at Merlin in thinly veiled shock. "Just, look where you're bloody going in future," he said, his tone low and threatening before he stormed off, still wiping at his shirt. Merlin watched him leave, watching the shock of blonde hair disappear up the stairs and took a deep breath before making for the lift. 

***

"Ah Merlin, glad you could make it." Morgana waltzed into the reception, grasping Merlin's hand as he stood up. 

"Morning," he greeted with a smile and Morgana began to lead him down the corridor. "Look, I really just came to say, thanks for this…offer, but I really don't think I'm your guy." 

Morgana stopped and turned to look at Merlin. "Look, I know it's a lot to ask but please, just give it a go -- if you really don't want to do it then, that's okay. But we are desperate." 

"You make me feel loved," Merlin said teasingly. 

Morgana grinned in reply. "Please?" The look on her face was so familiar to Merlin that he began to suspect that Morgana and Gwen must attend the same class entitled, 'How To Make Someone Do Whatever You Want, In One Easy Look'. 

"Fine," Merlin gave in and the two started to walk again. "God, I just met the biggest prat ever downstairs," Merlin began, remembering his recent encounter. 

"Is that so?" Morgana asked, stopping to open a door to her right and holding it open for Merlin, who entered the room. The meeting room was huge, with huge windows and a round mahogany table in the centre. A man wearing an expensively tailored suit who Merlin recognised to be Uther Pendragon sat in one of the chairs, looking Merlin up and down as he entered. There was a handsome man with long brown hair next to him, who smiled at Merlin and nodded. There was a final man with blonde hair who stood with his back to Merlin, pouring himself a cup of coffee from a cafetiere, who looked vaguely familiar. 'Oh no' Merlin thought, as the man turned and Merlin's eyes widened in recognition.

"Merlin, thats Lance, the show's editor, sitting next to Uther and this is my step-brother Arthur who is one of the hosts," Morgana said. "Arthur -- Merlin who I was telling you about." 

Arthur's smile faded from his face and Merlin cried out "Oh God, not you."

"Not God, just Arthur as she said," Arthur said, in a smug tone. 

Morgana looked bewildered. "I guess you two…know each other?" she asked.

Arthur scowled, and replied "We've met. Would you like some coffee, _Mer_ lin?" he asked innocently. Merlin's eyed narrowed.

"Right, well…shall we get started?" Morgana said, still looking between Merlin and Arthur curiously. They each took a seat and Uther began, "So Morgana, you think you've found someone to do Wake Up Britain?"

"I do," she replied triumphantly, indicating to Merlin. There was a beat and then--

"You cannot be serious." Merlin didn't have to look who had said it; he'd know that sardonic tone anywhere.

"Yes, I am. I met Merlin last night and we got to talking. He's chatty and friendly, I think he'd be great at it," Morgana said, shooting Arthur a warning look.

"Good god, we can't put that on TV -- have you seen it's hair?" Arthur exclaimed, shooting a patronising look at Merlin, who felt himself bristle for the second time that morning. 

"It's its own bio-culture. I leave it alone. We sleep in separate rooms." Merlin replied sarcastically. Arthur gave him an icy look as Morgana and Lance laughed and even Uther let out a small chuckle. 

"See, he's funny. Plus, you were keen not to have a celebrity," Morgana said, sounding very pleased with herself and sending a smirk in Arthur's direction. 

Arthur spluttered. "I--but, it doesn't matter!" he exclaimed. "Morgana, it takes something other than being mildly amusing to be on telly. He'd never be able to do it."

"Excuse me?" Merlin interrupted. "I think you'll find you're in no position to tell me what I can or can't do."

"Is that so?" Arthur coldly replied, "Well, you can barely walk in a straight line without assistance so what makes you think you can do this?"

Merlin glared at Arthur. "I'll do it, just you bloody watch me," he countered, his voice raised. 

"If you two could give it a rest." Uther cut in, his authority evident in his voice. "I'll admit, it's one of Morgana's more…unusual idea's but we are short on time. I propose, we give Merlin here a trial." He looked around the table, as if daring somebody to challenge him. When nobody did, he gathered his papers together and stood up. "That's settled then. We'll do a trial of the first show this afternoon at two. I'll see you then." With that, he walked out of the room without another word.

"But--" Arthur said, before Lance threw him a sympathetic look. "Sorry mate, boss has spoken," he said, before he too left the room, leaving Merlin alone with Morgana and Pratface (Arthur). 

Morgana placed a hand on Merlin's arm. "Shall we get some lunch?" she asked kindly. Merlin nodded and Morgana's gaze turned to Arthur, "You joining us?" 

Arthur looked at Morgana, then to Merlin, then back to Morgana. "No thanks. I think I'd rather fall off the top of this tower," he said simply.

"That can be arranged," Merlin said, with a smile. Arthur's eyed blazed and he stood up and stalked out of the room. 

Morgana rolled her eyes. "Merlin," she said disparagingly. 

Merlin turned to face her. "I'm sorry but did you hear him? 'He can't do this show' -- he doesn't even know me." 

"Well, you got your way in the end. Uther's going to give you a trial and he'll love you and then you'll be doing the show," Morgana said, patting his back as she stood up.

Merlin took a deep breath and nodded. "Which is interesting," Morgana continued, "considering how you were adamant you were that you weren't doing it." 

There was a beat as Merlin took in what had just happened and realised that he was an idiot and Morgana was clearly an evil mastermind. "You are…" he said, trailing off lost for words. Morgana smiled in reply and dragged Merlin up to his feet. 

"I know," she chirped happily. "Now, Prezzo for lunch?"

***

Merlin and Morgana arrived back at one forty-five after a very pleasant lunch in which they casually chatted and got the whole 'You're very lovely but I'm not really into vagina' thing out the way. Morgana seemed extremely pleased that he was gay, explaining that the public would love it as long as he wasn't Graham Norton-esque about it. Merlin assured her he wasn't. She had also explained the basic premise of the show, "It's basically GMTV but more current, young hosts, topics people actually give a shit about." They hadn't discussed Arthur. 

As they entered the studio, Merlin surveyed the room. The walls were painted a bright sunny yellow, adorned with a clock and a large sign bearing the logo of 'Wake Up Britain'. In the middle of the room, there was a pale green sofa and chairs in a soft floral print, in between them was a mahogany glass coffee table.

Uther ushered them in and sat Merlin down on the sofa, where he was shortly joined by Arthur, who ignored him. Now that Arthur was sat so close to him and, for the first time since they'd met, not scowling, Merlin found it extremely hard to ignore the big fat elephant in the room: the fact that Arthur was without a doubt the most ridiculously good-looking man he had ever seen. He had been too busy to appreciate it before, what with Arthur acting like a first class prat but here it was, this gorgeous creature sitting next to him on the couch. From this angle, Merlin had a perfect view of the side of Arthur's face, his angular jawline, prominent cheekbones, his--Merlin stopped himself before this whole situation could get any more bizarre that it already was, mentally shaking himself to get these treasonous thoughts out of his head.

Merlin still realised, he had no idea what he was supposed to be doing, his blind rage having taken over and dragged him kicking and screaming into this meeting. He glanced at Morgana, who seemed to understand what he meant and handed him a script.

"It's just a basic outline of what's coming up, with really shit stories," she said apologetically. "I want a lot of the show to be improvised -- banter you know?"

"That should be easy," Merlin said, sarcastically, sparing a glance to his side. Morgana smiled, brushing a dark curl out of her face. She gave Merlin a few minutes to look over the script, before he gave her a nervous nod, indicating he was ready. She whipped the script out of his hands and pointed to the teleprompter. "It will all be on there," she explained. 

"Right," she said, clapping her hands. "Lets see what we've got. In five, four, three, two, one -- action." 

She pointed to Arthur who looked up into the camera, giving it a dazzling smile that definitely did _not_ send a flutter down into Merlin's tummy. "Good morning, this is Wake Up Britain and I'm your host, Arthur Pendragon."

"And I'm Merlin Emrys," Merlin said, trying to make his voice loud and joyful. "First up, we'll be looking at this weeks music and film releases--" but Arthur interrupted him, taking over Merlin's indicated lines. "As well as the todays new story: Does coffee prompt aggression?"

"Well you could certainly answer that one for us Arthur, couldn't you?" Merlin said sweetly, keeping a smile on his face. The production crew looked confused, the cameraman already bringing a hand up to stop them but Morgana halted them, letting it continue with an amused look on her face.

"Maybe you could answer whether coffee makes you jittery? You know, prone to spilling things?" Arthur countered, with a fake laugh. The rest of the show continued in pretty much the same manner, both men shooting thinly veiled insults back at forth which gradually became less and less relevant to the stories and prompting louder and louder guffaws from the crew and Morgana. Merlin knew at this point that he'd never get this job, not that he wanted it in the first place but it was worth the wasted time to get to trade barbs with the man who'd been so rude to him.

"That wraps us up for today, we'll see you tomorrow," Arthur finished, his face freezing in a smile until the cameraman shouted "Cut", after which he turned to Merlin and snarled, "What the hell were you playing at?" 

Before Merlin could retort, Morgana swept up, exclaiming "That was priceless." Merlin and Arthur both gaped at her, with matching expressions of incredulity. 

"Are you serious?" Arthur said, disbelievingly. 

Morgana chucked and nodded. "Yep -- it was fresh and funny and you two have great chemistry." Merlin and Arthur looked each other up and down before both turning to look at Morgana before saying in unison, "No bloody way." They glared at each other and Morgana rolled her eyes. 

"Merlin, job is your's if you want it?" she asked. "I really hope you consider it."

"But--I can't stand him," Merlin said, not bothering to mince his words.

"Feeling's more than mutual, mate." Arthur joined in. "I don't wanna work with you. You may have pulled it off in a dry run but I'll bet anything you mess up on the first day." 

"Oh really," Merlin quipped. "Tell you what, if I do mess up -- which I wont -- I'll buy you a new shirt." He made a face at Arthur that clearly said, 'How's that bitch.' Yes, the 'bitch' was necessary. 

"Deal," Arthur agreed, eyes narrowed. They proceeded to stare each other down for a few more minutes.

"So you'll do it?" Morgana cut in, evidently getting exasperated. 

Merlin inwardly groaned, he forgotten in order to pull the show off, he'd actually have to do it and by the smug look he was shooting him, Arthur knew this.

"Okay, fine -- how about I do a trial of the live shows, say for two months?" he compromised. Morgana thought about this for a split-second, before shaking his hand and replying, "Agreed. I'll see you Monday at 6am for make-up. The show starts at 7.30."

Oh God, Merlin had forgotten about the early mornings. He was going to need a lot more coffee. 

It was only later, when Merlin was relaying the tale to Gwen, that it finally caught up with him what he had agreed to. "Oh shit Gwen," he exclaimed, interrupting himself midstream. "What the hell did I agree to?!"

"Well I did wonder…" she said, a half smile playing on her lips. "Well, you know what this means don't you?"

"I'm screwed?" Merlin responded.

Gwen grinned and shook her head. "No, silly. It means, that if you somehow miraculously pull this off, you'll get on Uther's good side. You said you're helping him out."

"And what does that mean?" Merlin failed to see where she was going with this.

"Well if you're in Uther's good books then you can mention to him how much you think I deserve that promotion I've been angling for. Now, cup of tea?"

"Please." 

Gwen raised from the sofa and started bustling about in the kitchen. "So," she called, "What did you think of Arthur?"

Merlin gritted his teeth. "He's a condescending, self-righteous spoiled prat."

Gwen burst out in laughter, shaking her head at Merlin. "He's your co-host. You'll have to get along with him."

"But he's so awful," Merlin whined, much to Gwen's amusement. "Besides, Morgana seemed to like me insulting him. I certainly did. She says we have 'chemistry'."

Gwen poked her head out from the cupboard. "Now, this I've got to see" she remarked.

***

The first thing Merlin did upon arriving at Pendragon Studio's the first day of the show was to pour himself a ridiculously large cup of strong coffee. He sipped this slowly as he surveyed the room. The set was the same, the sofa's and chairs still in the same position but the glass coffee table was covered by various papers which Merlin assumed to be todays headlines. When Merlin auditioned, there was just one camera and a few lights behind the scenes; today however, the ceiling was covered in an intricate spider-web of spotlights and cameras, it was disconcerting to even look at. He was interrupted at this point by Morgana who was making her way over to him. Without stopping to greet him, she swiped the mug out of his hand. She then picked up a bright red mug, that appeared to have his name on the side in gold lettering. She poured the coffee from the original mug into the red one, then handing this to Merlin wordlessly. "That's better" she said, with a smile. Merlin just nodded, speechlessly as Morgana swooped off to go and talk with the lead cameraman who Merlin had learnt was called Leon and, from the way she was stroking his arm, was definitely dating Morgana.

"She got you with the damn mug too?" A familiar voice came from behind him. Merlin sighed and turned to face Arthur who was grimacing and holding an identical mug which read 'Arthur'. Merlin definitely did not notice that he happened to look annoyingly handsome considering the early hour of the day.  Merlin couldn't help a small grin appearing on his face before he remembered that Arthur was a tool and that he hated him.  

Before he could stop himself, he retorted "Shouldn't your's read 'Prat'?" He instantly regretted it when Arthur's almost-smile fell off his face to be replaced by a scowl. 

"I was trying to be friendly, seeing as we have to work together and everything. Surprising as it may be, I actually don't want this show to be a failure," Arthur said coolly, his tone changing instantly and walked straight past Merlin, purposefully knocking his shoulder as he did. Merlin sighed deeply before being ushered away into make-up. 

He didn't start to feel nervous about being on live television until he and Arthur were sat on the sofa and Leon was adjusting the cameras and Morgana was hurriedly rearranging the papers on the table, only stopping to say, "30 seconds guys," that Merlin realised, 'oh my god, I'm going to be on live television.' He felt butterflies in his stomach -- no, not butterflies, _freaking_ giraffes parading around in his stomach, practically doing a conga line, butting the walls with their stupid long necks and Merlin really needed to calm down right now. He took a deep breath, and then another, nervously tapping his fingers against the green corduroy of the sofa. He started when he felt a hand cover his own, pinning it still. "Stop," he heard Arthur say, sounding irritated. He pulled his hand free and proceeded to continue his rhythmic beating on his jeans. He heard Arthur sigh and Merlin turned to look at him.

"Just calm down," Arthur hissed under his breath.

Merlin snorted. "Easier said that done. Aren't you nervous?" 

"Nope, I'm what we call a 'winner'"

Merlin stared at Arthur in disbelief, who returned his stare with a self-satisfying smile. "Seriously?" Merlin asked, Arthur's arrogance was extremely frustrating. "You're really that conceited?" 

"Just that good." 

Merlin opened his mouth to retaliate but before he could say anything, Morgana was counting them down. "5, 4, 3, 2, 1, action."

Somehow, Merlin made it through the show without hysterics or shoving Arthur off of the sofa, though he'd come dangerously close to the latter several times. It occurred to him later in the day that once he had focused his attention on his irritation with Arthur that he had none free to worry about being on air. It also occurred to him that Arthur appeared to know this, goading him on during the commercial breaks and steering them towards the banter they had displayed in their trial run that Morgana deemed so "priceless". Sure enough, the crew were all stifling laughter as the cameras rolled and Morgana was actually stuffing her knuckles in her mouth to muffle the sound. Taking this into consideration, Merlin was forced to consider the slight possibility that Arthur might not be the biggest egotistical arse that he'd ever met. As he pondered this, his phone buzzed with a text message.

_'Considering how uselessly idiotic you are, you didn't do a completely terrible job. Oh well, there's always tomorrow, please royally screw up -- I want that shirt. Arthur.'_

Then again, Merlin could be wrong. 

***

The thursday of Merlin's first week, he'd been persuaded into sticking around after the show to grab some lunch with Morgana and Lance. They sat in the cafeteria, discussing the morning's show. Today, they'd reviewed the new film release, 'The King's Speech', ("I'm sure Merlin here could relate to having a speech impediment, the drivel that comes out of his mouth."), which had led them on to the pressures of royalty, ("You're not royalty, Arthur, no matter how much you act like it.") and eventually had finished with an interview with Tom Hartley, a first time author who was plugging his book, ("Merlin, I didn't know you could read.").  To Merlin's great surprise, he'd actually found himself relaxing into the role. Sure, it was stressful being on television but when he forgot about that side of it, he actually really enjoyed his job. He enjoyed the discussion with guests, the opportunity to get his opinion heard -- there was only really one aspect of it that he disliked intensely and it was walking towards him right now, a surly look on it's face.

"Arthur," Morgana greeted with a smile. "Are you joining us for lunch?"

Arthur looked pointedly at Merlin, then back to Morgana. "I don't think so," he said, with the air of one who'd just been asked if he enjoyed rolling around in dog mess. "I'll eat my lunch by myself, in peace." Merlin narrowed his eyes. 

"Play nice Arthur," Morgana warned, which Arthur ignored. "I just came over to tell Merlin, that he was stepping on my cues this morning and that I don't want to see it happen again," he continued and turned to walk away. Merlin gritted his teeth; he had no comeback prepared, having been so used to Arthur ignoring him off set. The final straw came when Merlin heard him mutter "Bloody amateurs," under his breath, as he walked away. Merlin saw white hot rage, he had quite enough of Arthur insulting him in the show, without it seeping into off set as well. 'That arrogant, stupid, stupid arse,' he thought viciously, as he grabbed his bread roll off and threw it at Arthur where it bounced off the back of his perfect blonde hair, causing him to stop in his tracks. The whole cafeteria fell deathly silent, holding a collective breath and Arthur turned around slowly. The look on his face would have been comical, were it not focused towards Merlin. 

Arthur said nothing, simply scooped a handful of rice pudding from the dish on his tray and flung it towards Merlin. There was a beat as Merlin stood there, rice pudding dripping down his face, before every one ducked for cover. Merlin let out a shriek of anger, grabbing Morgana's abandoned chicken stir-fry and throwing it at Arthur who ducked and shot a handful of jelly back at him but Merlin had already thrown Lance's tuna sandwich at Arthur, letting a satisfied smirk spread over his face when it hit Arthur straight in the face. His joy was short lived as Arthur threw a tray of pasta at him, the tray spiralling in the air and spraying Merlin with bolognese sauce, covering his entire shirt. He glared at Arthur who let out a loud bark of laughter. Even though his face was covered in food, Merlin briefly noted that this was the freest he'd ever seen Arthur. Merlin grabbed a stray pot of baked beans and, with strength that surprised even himself, he launched himself at Arthur, knocking him to the ground. He sat on his chest, pelting him with handfuls of beans when a stern voice caused him to freeze.

"Stop that this instant!" Merlin turned to see a suited elderly man standing to the side, looking curious. Arthur gulped and shoved Merlin off him, scrambling to his feet. "Mr Hurt," he said, an edge of fear in his voice. Merlin knew that name, Morgana had mentioned it but he couldn't remember what for. He got to his feet as Mr Hurt commanded, "Come with me."

They followed him in silence. Merlin spared a glance to Arthur who was looking biting his lip, looking worried. He couldn't work out why, surely Arthur couldn't be in trouble? His father owned the show, the only person who was above him was…was the network owner, Mr Hurt. Who happened to be the man they were now following. _'Shitty, shitting shit,'_ Merlin inwardly kicked himself, no wonder Arthur looked on edge. When they reached Mr Hurt's office, he gestured them inside and sat behind the desk. He observed them through his rounded spectacles, his whiskery chin resting on his fingertips, for a few minutes before speaking, "Well, the course of true destiny definitely does not run smooth, would you agree gentleman?" His voice was casual but rife with quiet authority. Merlin and Arthur looked at each other in pure bafflement. 

Merlin swallowed. "Er, yes?" He briefly wondered what their punishment would be, or if it was in fact this truly bizzare conversation.

Mr Hurt just continued to gaze at them; Arthur looked quite perturbed. "That…will never happen again," he said evenly, gesturing in the direction they had come from. "Just, um, artistic differences." Merlin snorted and Arthur elbowed him in the ribs. 

"I hope that is true," Mr Hurt replied, still studying them intently. "I believe in your destiny, but I cannot have food fights in my cafeteria. Are we all clear?" Merlin and Arthur nodded frantically and Mr Hurt smiled.

"Just one thing," Arthur said, carefully. "What do you mean about 'destiny'?" 

Mr Hurt chucked, shaking his head. "You will soon see. You may go." He picked up a pen on his desk, beginning to write. Arthur and Merlin looked at each other once more, before rising and walking out, both men feeling extremely unsettled. 

When they were out of the office, Merlin remarked, "Interesting bloke." 

"Bit obsessed with destiny," Arthur said, lightly. When they reached the exit, they glanced at one another for a split second, before turning their backs to each other and walking in opposite directions. 

***

"Merlin," Morgana's voice rang out of the phone, causing Merlin to hold the phone a bit further away from his ear. "The ratings are just in, we're a hit." Merlin could almost hear the grin that he imagined would be plastered on her face and could help but smile. If there was one thing he'd learnt in the past week of doing Wake Up Britain, it was that Morgana deserved every success she got. She worked harder than anyone, always had a cup of coffee waiting for Merlin when he arrived and was there to listen whenever Merlin wanted to complain about Arthur, which was a lot of the time.

"That's brilliant," Merlin said genuinely. He really meant that, he was nothing but happy for Morgana -- the only downside of course, was that this meant Arthur was also a success. 

"Thank you," Morgana paused for a second. "Uther wants to have a party to celebrate."

"Fantastic," was Merlin's sardonic reply. 

Morgana let out a small laugh. "I know, Uther is insisting. And you don't say no to Uther." Merlin distinctly remembered having heard that phrase uttered somewhere before. 

"When is it?"

"Tomorrow at eight, Camelot Hotel," Morgana said, sounding very relieved. Merlin wasn't quite sure what had given her the impression that he would not like to attend. 

"Open bar?" 

"Of course, I'm not stupid. You'll come?"

"I'll come -- but only for you, Morgana," Merlin sighed. He wondered why he wasn't able to resist any of the women in his life, which led him to remember the most important one and how many parties she had dragged him to. "Oh, can I bring my flatmate Gwen? She works for your father's publishing house."

"No problem -- I'd love to meet her." There, that was the problem. Morgana was scary, yes, but also one of the nicest people Merlin had met in a long time. It was her greatest weapon, Merlin mused. 

To Merlin's great disappointment, Gwen had been thrilled about the party. "Gwen," Merlin had moaned, "I'm forcing you to go, you're not supposed to want to go. You're taking all the fun out of this." Gwen had just grinned and went immediately to go shopping for a dress, leaving Merlin in the flat, pouting and wondering what he was going to wear. Luckily, Gwen returned later that with an indigo shirt she had seen "and just had to buy for him." Merlin smiled and kissed her on the cheek, saying, "What would I do without you?" And really, Merlin didn't know the answer to that question. 

***

"Gwen," Merlin yelled from his room, frantically combing his hair in a futile attempt to gain some control over it. "We're going to be late."

"What a tragedy that would be," came Gwen's reply from his doorway, "I'm ready anyway."

Merlin threw the comb on his bed and turned to Gwen, stopping in his tracks when he caught sight of her. She wore a strapless yellow dress, with her chocolate brown hair pulled into a loose bun to one side, with a few tendrils falling out to curl about her face. The dress was simple, plain even, but when paired with Gwen's dark skin, it was simply stunning. The dress fitted close to her bust and waist, then proceeded to softly flare out, the silk fabric falling like waterfalls of pure gold to end just above her knees. She completed the look with gold sandals and a matching sequinned clutch bag. "You look beautiful Gwen," Merlin said sincerely. 

Gwen blushed, her dark lashes fluttering against her cheek as she looked down. She walked up to Merlin and ruffled his hair. "You too, sweetie," she teased. Merlin rolled his eyes and grabbed his jacket. "Let's go," he said. "Morgana will physically kill me if we're late." 

After a short cab ride over ("Merlin, I am not walking in these heels!"), they arrived at the party. Morgana, true to her word, handed them a glass of white wine each upon arrival, greeting them each with a kiss on the cheek. She ushered them into the main ballroom, which was suitably impressive with high beams and a gigantic crystal chandelier. 

"This must be the Gwen I've heard so much about," she said, sociably, as Lance caught Merlin's eye and made his way over. "So glad you could make it. This is Lance, he's the editor of our fabulous show." 

"Gwen," Gwen introduced herself shyly, looking at Lance out of the corner of her eye who was staring back with something akin to adoration. They continued to exchange sickeningly sweet looks until Merlin and Morgana exchanged glances and left them to it. As they walked away, Morgana whispered in his ear, "Just a head's up, Uther's been on Arthur's case all day so he's in a foul mood." 

"When isn't he?" Merlin said, to which Morgana lightly cuffed him on the back of the head. "I'm serious," she continued, "I'd stay away from him, if I were you." 

Merlin scanned the room quickly, he couldn't see Arthur as of yet so he figured it would be fairly easy to keep out of his way for the night, or at least until he'd cooled down a bit. He nodded to Morgana in agreement, who breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you," she breathed, "I wouldn't normally say but you seem to be amazingly good at pushing Arthur's buttons." Merlin decided to take this as a compliment. 

The pair continued to work the room for a while, Morgana introducing Merlin to countless people, each of whom had some important charter in the Pendragon business. Only half an hour later, Merlin's head was spinning from all the new faces and his jaw aching from the amount of fake smiling he had to do. Finally, he politely excused himself, needing just five minutes alone to breathe. 

He was looking for a door that led outside when he heard a raised voice coming from a meeting room to his left. The door was ajar, making it easy for Merlin to make out what he now recognised to be Uther's voice. 

"-- childish food fights, you are not an infant Arthur. You are representing my company and your inadequacies reflect poorly on my name," Uther's voice had a harsh, unforgiving tone to it that made Merlin almost feel scared. He knew he shouldn't be listening to this, but his curiosity got the better of him and he couldn't stop himself peeking into the room. Arthur was sat in one of the chairs whilst Uther towered above him, his stance cold, whilst he continued to rant.

"You will do better in future." With this final statement, he turned and left the room, thankfully not seeing Merlin, who shrunk into the wall.

Merlin was so busy watching Uther's retreating back, that he failed to notice Arthur's eyes on him. "How long have you been standing there?" Merlin jumped as Arthur's demanding voice broke into his thoughts. He turned to see Arthur, now standing in the doorway. His eyes blazed with anger, but there was something else in there that Merlin didn't think he would notice had he not just witnessed what he had. His face was flushed with embarrassment at being seen at a weak moment. In that moment, and maybe only in that moment, Merlin considered how hard it must be to have so much expectation placed on your shoulders. 

"Long enough," Merlin finally replied. Arthur cursed under his breath, turning back into the room where he stood, staring at the wall opposite. Arthur didn't say anything, instead let out a yell of anger and brutally kicked one of the wooden chairs, sending it flying across the room. It loudly smashed against the wall where one of the legs broke off. Merlin didn't know what to do, he felt helpless. "Are you okay?" he asked, then could have kicked himself for being so stupid. Arthur still remained silent, standing still in the middle of the room, breathing heavily.

"I'll just go," Merlin said quietly, making to leave.

"I'm never good enough," Arthur finally said, so softly, Merlin couldn't even be sure if he'd heard right, before he turned to face Merlin. His face looked softer in the moonlight seeping through the open window and he looked younger, more vulnerable. Merlin wasn't sure how to respond, or even if Arthur wanted him to. He crossed the room to where Arthur stood, placing a hand on his arm when he reached him. 

"Hey, you are a successful host on one of the most popular breakfast shows there is," Merlin said gently. "Not as good as me, but, still, pretty good. You'll get there one day." 

"If you're the competition, then I think I'll do fine," he retorted, rolling his eyes. Merlin clutched his chest, crying "You wound me," finally prompting a small grin from Arthur. 

Merlin smiled in return. "That's better," he said. "Come on, let's get back to the party, before Morgana notices we're gone. That woman scares me."

"Try growing up with her," Arthur moaned as they made their way back to the main room. 

"Oh, is that why you're such a prat?"

"Shut up, Merlin."

***

Merlin couldn't quite put his finger on when the banter between him and Arthur had stopped being insulting and started being, well, just banter. They still bickered non-stop, but there was no longer that edge to it; that edge that said: 'I would very much like to repeatedly hit you in the face.' Merlin knew he'd seen a different Arthur to the one he thought he knew that night and he liked this one a whole lot better. Of course, Arthur hadn't mentioned it since and they still taunted each other, yet very occasionally, off set, they were occasionally able to have a discussion that didn't end up in the two of them yelling abuse at each other. Sometimes. It wasn't as if they were friends, no they definitely weren't friends, but, in a way, they were and they both knew it, even if they would never admit it to anyone. Which is why they found themselves sitting backstage in Merlin's dressing room after the show finished, sharing a pot of coffee, Merlin lounging on the dressing room table whilst Arthur groaned and rubbed his face with his hand.

"Should not have gone out last night," he moaned, still resting his face in his hands. 

"Get it together, mate," Merlin said, laughing and throwing a muffin at Arthur's head when he didn't emerge. Arthur started when the muffin hit him, looking up at Merlin with challenging eyes. 

"Hey, Hurt said no more food fights," Arthur said, impressively managing to keep a straight face. "What if they're Food Fights of Destiny with capital letters?" Merlin asked, his face deadpan, prompting a laugh from Arthur who answered with a mutter of "Weird, weird old man".

Merlin then remembered the original statement. "Why were you out so late then? Hot date?" He wagged his eyebrows for emphasis. 

"Merlin, you look like you're trying to lure me into your van with promises of sweets and puppies. And yes, Vivian made me. Honestly…girls. How do you deal with them?" Arthur exhaled and took a sip from his red mug. Yes, Morgana made sure they had them at all times.

"Well, I don't really need to, to be honest," Merlin said, trying to gauge how Arthur would react to this. He inwardly breathed a sigh of relief as Arthur's face relaxed into a knowing smile.

"Ah you and Gwen then? I knew you lived together but I wasn't sure if you, you know, lived together."

"What do you--what? No. Gwen and I are just friends. Really." 

"Ah, a single man like myself then? We should hit some bars, you can be my wingman--"Arthur was pulling out his Blackberry and checking his calendar before Merlin was able to get a word in edgeways to stop this very bad train of thought right now. "I'm not sure--" but Arthur was evidently ignoring him, interrupting him with a "What about Friday?"

"Arthur, no!" Merlin snapped, jumping up from his seat. Arthur froze, slowly lowering his Blackberry. 

"I'm sorry," Merlin knew he shouldn't have shouted but it was still so raw, so tender. Arthur didn't comment, just looked at him questioningly. "I'm sorry, it's just I'm not really sure I'm ready to leap back into dating."

"Bad break-up?" Arthur asked softly, his eyes meeting Merlin's.

Merlin laughed a hollow laugh. "Kind of," he looked Arthur straight in the eyes, and swallowed. "My boyfriend died last year." 

Arthur rose and placed his hand gently on Merlin's shoulder. "Merlin, I'm so sorry--wait, boyfriend?" 

"Yeah?" Arthur's hand snatched away leaving Merlin missing the warm touch on his shoulder.

"Everything ok?" Merlin's head snapped around to see Arthur stepping away from him. Merlin knew this act, he'd seen it before. His eyes narrowed, taking in Arthur shifting from one foot to the other; the way he was looking determinedly at the anywhere in the room but Merlin; the way he'd now put a foot's distance between them. Suddenly, Merlin was furious; more furious that he could remember being at anyone in recent memory, which was saying something considering who he worked with. He'd had this reaction before from people, but, somehow, it hurt more coming from somebody who he'd been starting to connect with. 

"Oh spare me your ignorant fucking bullshit Arthur," he snarled, slamming his mug down on the table so hard that a crack appeared up the side. When Arthur still failed to look at him, Merlin made a noise of disgust and stormed out of the room. When he got to the doorway however, he paused, resting his hand against the frame. He turned his head ever so slightly and said softly, "I thought you were better than that." With that, he left, not wanting Arthur to see the tears in his eyes.

***

Merlin was on his way out of the building when he ran straight into Morgana.

"Woah, Merlin," she said with a smile. "Watch out."

"Uh, yeah--sorry," Merlin said, keeping his head down. Morgana was silent for a moment, then gently tilted his head up with her fingers. She frowned, taking in his glistening eyes and flushed face. 

"Hey," she said kindly. "What's up?" 

Merlin exhaled. "Your step-brother is a jerk," he spat out. Morgana simply raised an eyebrow and Merlin continued, "I mentioned that I was gay and he completely freaked out, like he wasn't even comfortable being around me. He wouldn't even look at me, Morgana." A tear rolled down Merlin's cheek and he hastily wiped it away, muttering "Damn it."

Morgana put her arm around him and steered him towards the stairs, not saying anything. "Where are we going?" Merlin asked, gaining no reply. Morgana just carried on walking Merlin up the stairs, up and up until they got to the roof. The view was spectacular; all of London lay before them, the city looking so tiny and fragile from this height. Finally, Morgana broke the silence, "This is where I come whenever I feel upset or angry or whatever. It always calms me down." She sat down on the floor and curled her legs up, hugging them close to her chest. Merlin sat down beside her, silently.

"Arthur can be an idiot," she began after a beat. 

"Understatement of the century," Merlin interjected but Morgana silenced him with a Look. "All right, yes he can be a big idiot but he's not prejudiced, or vindictive. Probably just surprised." 

Merlin scoffed, he didn't buy it. Arthur had changed when he'd found out and there was no defending that. 

"I know you're angry," Morgana continued quietly, "but, don't write Arthur off because he reacted badly. People aren't perfect." She looked at Merlin purposefully and bumped his shoulder, causing him to roll his eyes. 

They sat there admiring the view for several minutes before one of them spoke again. 

"Why did you not want a famous host?" Merlin inquired suddenly, drawing a questioning look from Morgana. He rephrased it slightly. "I mean, most people know who Arthur is, or at least know the Pendragon name but -- wouldn't you want somebody more, I don't know, recognisable?"

Morgana seemed to consider this carefully, before taking a breath and answering. "The same reason I hired you to be co-host rather than some simpering idiot who's just going to hang on every word Arthur says" she said simply. 

Merlin furrowed his brow, "And why's that?"

"Because its real. There's no shortage of shows with famous hosts but it's all so fake and staged. I hate it, the viewers hate it, God, freaking Britain hates it. The girl you replaced, Sophia -- in your trial, I laughed more than I did after practicing with her for three weeks. Arthur insisted on her doing it, but it just didn't work. Not like it does now. Really Merlin, I couldn't be more glad that she left. You give this show life, make it something unique and special. You are unique and special, don't let anybody convince you otherwise."

The words hung in the air for a few moments. Merlin wasn't quite sure how to respond to this, something so nice was rarely spoken about him, or indeed, anybody. In this instant, he got a flash of the kind of person Morgana was; fierce and hardworking, but honest and genuine. He couldn't be sure of how to let her know how touched he was by her words, instead, he simply put his arm around her pulling her into a soft half-hug. She leaned into him and there they sat, watching the night sky. No words needed.

***

Merlin was sitting on his worn sofa that evening, watching a repeat of Dr Who when he heard a knock on the door. He was about to call for Gwen before he remembered she was away visiting family. He slowly dragged himself on to his feet and padded across to the door. He opened the door and was shocked to find Arthur standing in the hallway, looking very nervous. He didn't say anything for a moment, willing himself not to slam the door in Arthur's stupidly handsome face. Remembering Morgana's words, he left the door open and returned to sit on the sofa. He heard the sound of the door closing, followed by Arthur clearing his throat. "So this is your flat. It's very…cosy."

Merlin gritted his teeth. "You mean 'small'," he said blankly. He was under no illusion that he lived in a palace; he didn't care that the furniture was old and worn, or that the carpet was faded, or that he shared this tiny flat with Gwen. He loved living with Gwen. She had moved in straight after Will's funeral when Merlin couldn't bear to be alone, had slept in his bed when Merlin woke up screaming at night, had made him food even when he refused to eat. 

He noticed that Arthur hadn't replied, but continued to stare at the television screen. He felt a shift in the cushions as a weight sat down beside him and he turned to see Arthur sitting next to him on the sofa. "I'm surprised you'll get this close to a gay," he spat out coldly, getting up and walking into the kitchen. He clenched his fists when Arthur followed him, whirling round to demand, "What are you doing here Arthur? What do you want?" 

"All right, I handled it badly," Arthur burst out, throwing his arms in the air.

"You can say that again," Merlin scoffed. 

"Fine, very badly, whatever," Arthur continued. "I don't even know why, it doesn't bother me -- I swear, it doesn't. I don't even know why I reacted the way I did…." He trailed off, looking at Merlin. Merlin unclenched his fists. Arthur took a step closer, "I guess I was just…shocked," he looked at Merlin accusingly, "You never said anything." 

Merlin let out a breath, feeling his anger ebb away at the hurt look on Arthur's face. "You never asked," he replied softly. 

Arthur nodded. "I didn't. And I am sorry, for how I acted." 

"I know," Merlin sighed, "It's okay." Arthur offered him a tentative smile, and Merlin gestured towards the fridge. "Do you want a beer?" He asked. Arthur nodded and Merlin proceeded to grab two from the fridge. They sat on the sofa, watching David Tennant run about in the TARDIS. Merlin tried not to focus on how awkward it was, but it seemed Arthur was determined to make conversation.

"So, tell me about Will?" He asked, his eyes searching Merlin's face as if trying to guess how he'd react. 

Merlin shot him a look. "You really want to talk about this?" 

Arthur rolled his eyes and punched Merlin on the arm. "I wouldn't ask if I didn't, idiot."

Merlin let out a chuckle, taking a swig from his beer for dutch courage. "Well, we knew each other since we were kids. Childhood sweethearts you could say." He paused before continuing, "He was the first man I loved." Merlin looked down at his beer, it was still so hard to talk about, even with Gwen or his mother.

"How did he die?" Arthur prompted, quietly. 

 Merlin ran his fingers through his hair. "He worked as a chef. He finished his shift late one night, he was walking home and he saw a girl being mugged, he was stupid -- he got involved, tried to stop it. One of them had a knife," Merlin's voice broke and he looked up at Arthur who was listening intently with a look of sorrow on his face. Merlin took a breath, closing his eyes to pull himself together, "It was nothing to do with him, he just got caught in the crossfire." Merlin finished, draining his beer and placing it down on the floor.

Arthur got up. "I think we need some stronger alcohol." He went to the kitchen and Merlin could hear him rummaging around in the cupboards. "There's tequila in the top cupboard," he called out and Arthur returned a few seconds later with the bottle and two glasses. He poured them a hefty sized glass each and handed one to Merlin. He then held his up in toast, "To Will," he said, his voice low. 

"To Will," Merlin echoed and knocked his drink back in one gulp. Arthur raised an eyebrow and poured him another. 

A few hours later, it was fair to say they were both very drunk. "And then -- then, Morgana says, she goes, "That's not what I've heard," and…" Arthur trailed off, his peals of laughter rendering him temporarily unable to speak. Merlin was laughing hard also, although he couldn't say with any certainty that he remembered the beginning to Arthur's story. Also, for some reason, he was slumped on the kitchen floor, his back resting against the dishwasher. Arthur continued to laugh, clutching to the counter for support. 

Merlin managed to pull himself together long enough to notice that his glass was empty. He sat upright, "Arthur…t'shhh, Arthur, I have no drink left," before descending into giggles. Arthur stared down at his glass in amazement, before meeting Merlin's eyes. Both pairs of bright blue eyes searched for the bottle, until it was located under the breakfast bar. They both looked at each other, before lunging for it at the same time. Arthur managed to wrestle the bottle out of Merlin's bony fingers and glugged the last remaining drops. "No fair," Merlin protested, hitting Arthur's back as he fell to the floor beside Merlin. Arthur shoved him back, before bursting out in laughter again.

"We should go get more booze," Merlin managed to get out but Arthur was shaking his head, "No, no, no, no." 

"But--" Merlin tried to say but Arthur had his hand over his mouth. "Shh, enough booze. Work tomorrow." Merlin tried to focus on his words and not on how warm Arthur's hand was against his mouth. 

After a beat, Merlin nodded and Arthur withdrew his hand. "Yes," Merlin said, running his finger across his lip, "Time to sleep." He attempted to haul himself up using the counter for support but failed, falling back down onto the hard floor with an "Ouch,". Arthur giggled, somehow managing to stand up. He grabbed Merlin by the arm and tried to pull him up, only to slip and land on top of Merlin. 

The pair cracked up. Arthur had his hand on Merlin's chest and his knee was between Merlin's legs. Finally, they stopped laughing but Arthur remained on top of Merlin, his face close enough that Merlin felt warm breath on his own. Arthur had a half-smile on his face, looking down and Merlin didn't think before tilting his head up to catch Arthur's lips. Arthur's lips parted, gently moving against Merlin's. Arthur tasted of tequila, his lips were chapped, the angle was all wrong and yet somehow, inexplicably, it was perfect. After a few seconds, Arthur pulled away, muttering "Shouldn't do this," and Merlin didn't reply, just closed his eyes and fell into blissful oblivion. 

When Merlin awoke the next morning, he found himself sprawled across his bed, on top of the covers. A pounding beat was thumping inside of his head and he was fairly sure somebody had spent all night sandpapering the inside of his mouth. He cracked open one of his eyes and the cruel sunlight from the open curtains burned his retina. He was about to pull the covers over his head and return to his slumber when the chirping ring of his phone alerted to him the reason that he had woken up. In a bid to quell the ringing before his head exploded, he jerked upright in bed and winced at the flipping sensation in his stomach. He slapped his hand to his mouth and took a deep breath, before locating the phone on his bedside table. 

"Hello," he answered, his voice barely more than a croak 

"Merlin, where the hell are you?" Morgana hissed on the other end of the phone. Merlin was confused; where was he meant to be? He then noticed the clock on his bedside table which read 6:37. The show was starting in less than an hour and Merlin was lying in bed feeling as though a herd of rampant bulls had trampled over him, followed by a steamroller. 

"Shit, shit, shit, Morgana, I'm so sorry, I'm on my way." He hung up and jumped out of bed, stopping when this motion did unpleasant things to his stomach and ran to the bathroom. Fifteen hellish minutes later, he had managed to get himself showered and dressed and rushed out of the door to catch a cab. As he crawled in the back, he tried desperately to remember what had happened. He knew Arthur had come over to apologise and they'd talked about Will, then came beer, then came tequila. Merlin gagged at the memory; he was fairly sure he'd never be able to drink it again. They'd both gotten pissed out of their minds, Merlin had some vague memory of being on the kitchen floor…there was something he was missing, something important. He mentally ran through what he could remember as the cab pulled into the studio car park. _'Arthur, Will, beer, tequila, kitchen floor, fell over, Arthur fell on top of me, then -- holy shit,'_ Merlin froze as he stepped out of the cab. Arthur, he'd kissed Arthur. What was he thinking? Then he remembered the important thing: Arthur had kissed him back. 

He climbed the stairs to give himself more time as he frantically tried to work out the theory of time travel enabling him to go back to last night to undo this, or possibly back two weeks to prevent himself going to Gwen's book launch and getting himself in this situation to begin with. As he reached the studio, however, he had nothing and, of course, Arthur had to be standing at the table next to the door looking every bit as rough as Merlin felt. Of course, it was Arthur so, even when he looked "rough", he still looked like a greek god.

"Good god Merlin, how much did we drink?" Arthur greeted, his tone friendly. Merlin blinked, he was fairly sure this would be too much to handle, even without the raging hangover. "Do you remember anything?" Arthur continued, with a laugh. 

Merlin stared at him in disbelief. "You don't remember anything?" Arthur shook his head.

No, no, this could not be happening, Merlin was having a minor breakdown here and Arthur did not remember anything. He found himself laughing nervously and shaking his head, before Morgana pulled Merlin away, chastising him for his lateness. Arthur watched him leave, breathing a barely noticeable sigh of relief.

***

As he sat next to Merlin on the sofa, watching him take continuous sips of the water Morgana had eventually brought for him out of pity, Arthur breathed an inward sigh of relief. Merlin had bought it. Looking at Merlin's increasingly pale face, Arthur could almost believe he was drunk enough to not remember anything (even though Merlin was a terrible liar). Arthur had felt rough that morning, but the state on Merlin was just horrendous. Merlin's dark hair was plastered to his face with sweat, no matter how often make-up came to powder it. There were dark, purple coloured circles under his puffy eyes and he'd had to run off a few times during ad breaks, once not making it to the toilet and throwing up in a rubbish bin which Morgana had cleaned up, glaring daggers at Merlin who'd just whimpered apologetically. Arthur knew deep, deep, deep down that lying to Merlin was inexcusable but he hadn't known what else to do. He'd dated girls all his life, never so much as thinking about another man in that way, then along comes Merlin, bumbling his way into his life. There was just something about him, he couldn't quite put his finger on it. He'd never met someone who'd spoken back to him the way Merlin did, so when he found himself thinking about it when in bed at night, he'd thought it was just because it was something new. Then Merlin just had to stumble in on Arthur when he was feeling most vulnerable and he'd somehow, made Arthur feel better. The truth was, as much as Arthur refused to admit it to himself, that he'd never met anyone who made him feel the way Merlin did. So when Arthur had found out Merlin was gay, it became real because Merlin did like men, it _could_ possibly happen and Arthur _couldn't_ let that happen. So Merlin would have to forgive Arthur this lie, because, quite frankly, Arthur needed the time to sort through this newfound sexual crisis.

Arthur would never be able to tell anyone how he made it through that show. He tried to act as normal but Merlin was in no position to commit to their usual banter and he could see Morgana eyeing him suspiciously from behind the scene. A couple of hellish hours later, Leon finally called, "Cut" on the show and Arthur was free to leave the studios, or quite possibly the country. He'd only come to do the show because between the choice of facing Merlin and facing Morgana's wrath, you'd have to be an idiot to choose the latter. He was trying to decide between Fiji and Venezuela when Merlin came up to him, blurting out, "You really don't remember...anything?" his eyes searching Arthur's face frantically. 

Arthur forced himself to remain calm. "Why? Did I do something? Whatever I did, I obviously didn't mean it -- I was drunk." Arthur inwardly winced at his words, knowing how Merlin would take it. Sure enough, Merlin stiffened, as if he'd been slapped and turned to leave, mumbling something about, "Right…best get home -- Gwen will be waiting." The moment Merlin's footsteps echoed away, Arthur let the facade slip and, in that moment, he hated himself more that he ever thought he could.

***

Merlin was sat on the sofa, staring at the screen of the television set in blank horror when Gwen arrived home. He vaguely heard her calling his name as she shut the door behind her but he did not respond. He was still in shock. 

"Merlin," Gwen's anxious tone shook him out of his stupor as she knelt down by the sofa. Merlin took in her familiar face, her warm dark eyes full of worry and fell into her embrace. She hugged him close before pulling back to hold him at arm's length. She looked him over as she demanded, "Spill Merlin, what's happened?" 

"Nothing, apparently," Merlin replied bitterly, as he ran his fingers through his hair.

Gwen's brow furrowed in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

Merlin sighed, "God, I don't -- it's such a mess. Me and Arthur had a fight yesterday after the show and he came around to apologize--" He broke off, trying to figure out the best away to explain everything that had happened over the past few days. He decided on the simple approach. "We got drunk and kissed and now, he doesn't remember anything," he said bluntly. 

Gwen's face became sympathetic. "Oh Merlin," she breathed. "You do get yourself into these pickles." Merlin couldn't help a small snicker escaping his lips. Gwen continued, "I didn't even know you felt that way about Arthur?"

"I don't," Merlin exclaimed. Gwen rose a questioning eyebrow. "Or, I guess -- I don't even know." Gwen's face fell as she laughed softly, shaking her head. "I think you need to figure it out," she said, looking back up.  

"But even if I did like him, he doesn't remember," Merlin exclaimed. "He thinks everything is normal." 

There was a brief silence until Gwen rose. "Tea?" she called as she walked into the kitchen to which Merlin responded in the affirmative. Merlin desperately thought back over the past day trying to make some sense of everything. He didn't know he liked Arthur until today -- he still wasn't sure. Yes, he found Arthur attractive but that was just obvious; the man was so irritatingly good looking, it was hard to ignore. And if he'd thought of Arthur on occasion, when he was alone at night then that was just normal. And, yes, he enjoyed Arthur's company, now he'd stopped being such a prat but it didn't mean he fancied Arthur. No, not at all. Definitley not. _'Wait,' _Merlin stopped himself, _'Why am I trying to convince myself?'_   He exhaled and slumped back into the cushions, with a moan of "God, I'm pathetic." __

When Gwen returned with a steaming cup of tea, Merlin just looked at her with a despairing look. "Gwen," he began, slowly. Gwen nodded for him to continue, so he did, "I think, there's a slight chance, that I may, possibly…fancy with Arthur." 

"Well I did have a suspicion," she replied with a smile, joining him on the sofa as he sipped his tea. "I've never heard you complain about somebody that much." 

Merlin couldn't believe he'd let himself fall for someone who was such a prat and, if tabloids were to be believed, so ostentatiously straight. He rested his head on her shoulder. "Oh Gwen, what am I going to do?" 

***

Arthur's solution was slightly different. His plan was to see Morgana, convince her to get somebody else to replace him on the show and then never think of it again. He was on his way to accomplish the first part of his plan. He reached Morgana's office, rapping lightly on the wooden door. After a few seconds, he heard her call for him to come in which he did. Arthur had been in her office many times and was still amazed by the size and grandeur of it. He couldn't believe his father had allowed Morgana to decorate it herself, he was usually so controlling but Morgana seemed to be his one soft spot. The walls were covered in a soft emerald green wallpaper, the light that radiating in from the huge windows shimmering off the walls to create a comforting yet professional feel; a stark contrast to the decor of the rest of the building

Morgana was sitting behind the large oak desk, a wave of her raven hair falling across the papers she was currently writing on. She looked up as he entered and, upon seeing who it was, she smiled. "Arthur," she greeted. "I've actually been meaning to find you." Her tone was friendly, but there was an undercurrent that Arthur could not place. 

 "Hello Morgana," He took a moment to consider how he would phrase this. He would not consider himself a coward, but growing up with Morgana had taught him to fear her, ever so slightly. "I've been thinking about the show--"

"As have I," she cut in. "Something was off today. I take it to be something to do with the fight you and Merlin had yesterday?" She gave Arthur an accusing look. 

"No," Arthur protested. "Not exactly." 

Morgana looked confused. "Then what was it?" 

Arthur sat down in the chair opposite her. "I don't think that the show is working with Merlin and me as the hosts." 

Morgana sighed. "We've been through this," she said wearily. "I like him. He's staying." 

"Yeah, he can stay. I'll go." There was a beat as Morgana paused, slowly raising her head to stare at Arthur. 

"Arthur," she started. "You begged me to let you do this show. Now, you want to leave?" 

"I did not beg you," Arthur felt quite affronted. 

Morgana looked at him. "You brought me my favourite coffee every day for a month, somedays you brought chocolate." She began counting off on her fingers, "There was also the gift cards…"

"I was being nice," Arthur argued. "Can't I do a nice thing for--"

Morgana rose her voice to drown out Arthur's. "You also rang me all the time, asking if I'd found anyone to do the show, because you really wouldn't mind doing it and not working for Uther's company and I could convince him to let you do the show because he "lets me get away with anything,"" she said, making air quotes as she finished triumphantly, leaving Arthur glowering at her, clearly unable to defend himself.

"Well..there is that," he said, eventually. 

Morgana smiled victoriously. "So why do you now not want to do it?" When Arthur didn't say anything, her look became one of anxiety. "Arthur, has something happened between you and Merlin?" 

"Of course not, I just don't want to work with the idiot," he said viciously. Because, he really didn't. Merlin was clumsy, annoying, disorganised, with his clothes and those ridiculous ears and and his messy hair, that Arthur had certainly not imagined running his fingers through and his cheekbones, all high and kissable and this really wasn't the direction Arthur wanted to be thinking in. "I can't stand him," he repeated, praying he sounded believable.

Clearly not, as Morgana raised her eyebrows and said, "Arthur, you have never been able to lie to me. What's happened?"

Anger rose up like a wave inside Arthur. "Nothing," he shouted, standing up with such force that he knocked his chair over. "Just get somebody else to do the damn show." He slammed his hand down on the desk, causing it's contents to rattle.

"No," Morgana answered, calmly. "I'm not letting you run away from whatever happened like you always do. Grow up." Arthur seethed, glaring down at her. "Talk to me Arthur, what happened?" she asked, gently.

"Just, leave it alone Morgana," he snarled, as he stormed out the room leaving Morgana behind, sighing. 

***

"Arthur," came a soft voice from outside Arthur's room that evening, accompanied by a light knock. When there was no response, Morgana opened the door slowly, allowing a ray of light from the hallway to creep into the dimly lit room. She didn't appear surprised to find Arthur sat in his favourite golden chair in the corner, looking out the window morosely. Arthur did not acknowledge her presence, continuing to rest his chin on his knuckles, his arms folded across his chest.  

Morgana rolled her eyes. "We live together, you're going to have to talk to me eventually." She crossed the room to perch on the edge of his bed, flicking the light on as she went. When Arthur finally looked at her, blinking from the sudden brightness, there was no anger on her face from his earlier outburst, just concern. He felt his resolve crumble as she held his eye contact, waiting for him to respond.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. He brought his hand down to his knee, tapping his fingers nervously before he remembered Merlin doing that on the day of the first show and freezing.

Morgana noticed this and covered his hand with her own, much in the same way Arthur had before their first show, to ease Merlin's distress. "Arthur, what is going on?" 

"It's a long story," he breathed, bringing his free hand to cover his eyes. "I sort of…accidentally kissed Merlin last night, when I went to make things right about our argument." He watched as Morgana's eyes shot up to meet his. 

She appeared to consider her next words carefully before she spoke, "Do you like Merlin then?" Arthur had always appreciated that about Morgana, the way she was able to ignore all the drama and cut straight to the heart of the matter. 

He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't think so," he said, a vain attempt at sounding cavalier. "You know me, I like girls. I was just drunk." He was trying to convince himself more than Morgana and, from the look on her face, she knew this. 

"Have you and Merlin talked about it?" she asked, keeping eye contact with Arthur. 

Arthur didn't think before replying. "No," he snorted. "Merlin thinks I don't remember anything --" He stopped himself, but not before Morgana recoiled, dropping his hand like it was poisonous. 

"You told him you didn't remember anything," she repeated, as Arthur closed his eyes, awaiting what was coming. "How could you do that Arthur?" She asked, her voice full of disgust. 

"I just needed time to think," Arthur made a futile attempt to defend himself, but Morgana held a hand up to stop him, shaking her head, her face twisted into an expression of shock and disappointment.

"You've had time to think," she said coolly. "As has Merlin, so go and tell him you know what happened." She rose and strode out of the room, leaving Arthur behind feeling even worse that he did that morning. 

***

Arthur was still awake by the time the first rays of the morning light began sneaking their way into the room. He'd tossed and turned all night, alternating between feelings of confusion over what to do and feeling of horrendous guilt, brought on by lying to Merlin and exacerbated by Morgana, who'd refused to talk to him until he'd spoken with Merlin. His alarm began to sound and he begrudgingly dragged himself out of bed. 

By the time he'd arrived at the studios with Morgana, who'd driven in silence with the radio turned right up, he still had no idea what he was going to say or do. All he knew was he had to come clean. Arthur sipped his coffee, focusing on the door for any sign of that shocking mop of hair that he was ashamed to realise, he would be able to pick out anywhere. For once, Merlin was not late and even from this distance, Arthur could see that Merlin had slept about as well as he had. He took a deep breath before he marched over and grabbed Merlin's arm, hissing into his ear, "I need to talk to you." He could see Morgana watching him out of the very corner of his eye, ignoring her as he dragged Merlin into the nearest empty room, shoving him inside and looking around before following. Surprisingly, Merlin had not protested and was now stood, silently, watching Arthur, a puzzled look on his face. "Arthur?" 

"Right," Arthur began, unsure of how to even explain everything. He braced himself, dreading the onslaught that would be heading his way in a few moments. "You know how I don't remember anything from the other night?" 

Merlin nodded slowly, his expression now becoming worried. "Yeah…" He trailed off, either because he didn't know where Arthur was going with this or because he didn't want to. 

Arthur closed his eyes. "Well, I do. I know we…kissed." There was no reply and when he opened his eyes, Merlin was still staring at him. 

"So you lied to me," he stated, his voice devoid of emotion. "Why?"

"Because I didn't want to make a big deal about it," Arthur said, calculatingly. "I was drunk, we both were. We're friends, Merlin." He tried to smile but he could tell that it didn't quite reach his eyes, that it looked pretend.

"Are we?" Merlin asked, his eyebrows raised. 

Arthur did not see that coming. "What do you mean?"

"Well, friends don't base their friendship on insults. Friends don't kiss and, I'm pretty sure friends don't lie to each other." Merlin let out a humourless laugh at the last part and shook his head.

Arthur knew Merlin was just upset but, even his awareness of this couldn't stop his infamous temper. "Then maybe we're not friends," he said sharply, bringing his arms up to fold across his chest. This was not new to him, he knew exactly what to do: bring the barriers up, shut the emotions away. Even through his haze of anger, somewhere deep down in Arthur, felt the hurt of Merlin's words but his bruised pride easily overshadowed this. "No, you're right. How could I be friends with such an _idiot_?" He spat out the final word as if it were a curse.

Merlin was nowhere near as good as hiding his feelings as Arthur and pain shot across his face at Arthur's words. "Okay then," he said, his voice cracking. He still continued to stand there until Arthur, still maintaining his facade, turned and left the room. Morgana was waiting for him back in the studios, opening her mouth as she caught sight of Arthur but he cut her off. "I told him," he said, not meeting her eyes. 

Morgana looked apprehensive. "What happened Arthur?" Arthur didn't answer her, instead walking past her and continued to make-up. He sat down in the chair, glowering as Charlotte began to powder his face down and touch up the rather large dark circles under his eyes. Arthur sat there silently throughout, trying to figure out exactly when he'd started caring so much about Merlin. Sure, it was nice to have somebody who talked back to him. Arthur didn't make friends easily. His life was full of yes-men and people who wanted his connections, not his friendship; Merlin was neither of these and, despite what he'd said, Merlin had been his friend.  As he swallowed past the lump in his throat, he continued to tell himself that Merlin was nothing more that his friend.

***

"Guess what?" Morgana's voice sang through the speaker, prompting Merlin to stop whisking the eggs for his omelette.

"What?" He'd known Morgana long enough to know when to start worrying and now was definitely one of those times. It had been two weeks since his fight with Arthur, two weeks since the ill-advised drunken kiss and two weeks of nagging from Gwen that he should go and sort it out. He repeatedly assured her that he was fine, honestly and no, he didn't miss Arthur, not in the slightest. Well, only in the way that made his chest ache when he thought about it and felt like great big hole had been hacked into his heart, but really, that was nothing. Merlin was fine. He sometimes wondered who he was convincing because it wasn't Gwen and it certainly wasn't himself.

"Uther wants to throw another party," she replied. 

Merlin groaned. "You are getting some kind of sick, satisfaction over making me go to these parties, Morgana." 

"What ever would make you think that?" she teased. "Saturday at eight. There's no show on Sunday so you've got no excuse. Invite Gwen as well." 

"As if Lance hasn't already," Merlin said. "Those two are just plain irritating, all lovey-dovey like that." He paused, steeling his voice for an attempt at casual. "So is every one going to be there?"

He could practically hear Morgana rolling her eyes as she replied, "Yes, Arthur will be there."

"That's not what I asked," Merlin said quietly. Morgana had tried a few times to ask about Arthur but Merlin always shut her down fast. He had a sneaking suspicion she wasn't getting anything out of Arthur either.

"Merlin, please whatever it is…sort it out," she pleaded. 

"There's nothing to sort out," he said, an air of finality to his voice. "Even you said the show is still doing well." Which it was, they were still top of the ratings for breakfast talk shows. He and Arthur had made a commendable effort of faking their usual camaraderie for the cameras, only Morgana still seemed dissatisfied. He heard her sigh, "Fine, I'll see you tomorrow Merlin," before she hung up.  

As he placed his phone back in his pocket, cursing Morgana for making him feel guilty, he spotted Gwen hovering in the doorway, biting her lip. He found it hilarious than Gwen always seemed to forget how long they'd been best friends and, therefore, always forgot that Merlin could read her like a book. She dithered about for a few more moments before Merlin finally bit the bullet. "What's up Gwen?"

She started. "Up? Nothing's up, why would anything be up? Would you like a cup of tea?" Merlin just gave her a look. "Oh all right," she said, whacking his arm lightly. "Lance asked me to ask you, if you were interested in maybe meeting his friend?" 

Merlin was dubious. "Gwen, I don't know…" He trailed off, really having no legitimate excuse other that he didn't want to be set up. 

Gwen gave him puppy dog eyes. "Come on Merlin, I know you had the whole business with Arthur -- and one day you are going to have to tell me what happened there -- but Lance said that Gwaine's really nice and smart and funny and so you should give him a chance because --" She was cut off by Merlin clamping his hand across her mouth. 

"Gwen, breath before you overheat," he said, with a smile. He removed his hand slowly and Gwen remained silent, waiting for his reply. "All right, I'll meet him, bring him to the work party on Saturday. I assume Lance is bringing you?" She nodded, as her face split into a wide grin and really, was it any wonder Merlin could never say no to her? 

"Thank you," she said, genuinely. "It will do you good to forget about Arthur." Merlin rolled his eyes with a sigh of, "I have" which Gwen purposefully ignored. 

***

Merlin looked himself over once more in the full-length mirror, trying to pretend he wasn't dreading this. He hadn't even met this Gwaine yet but it didn't matter; he wouldn't be Arthur. He heard a knock at the front door, then Gwen calling his name from the lounge and exhaled quickly, before going out to meet them.

He greeted Lance and was introduced to Gwaine who shook his hand with a strong grip, flashing him a cheeky grin. "Can I get you a drink?" Merlin offered politely. 

Gwaine nodded. "Beer would be great, thanks." When he spoke, Merlin caught a hint of an irish accent. He smiled and went into the kitchen, grabbing a beer and popping the cap off. As he did, he took a second to check Gwaine out from afar. Shaggy dark hair framed strong, high cheekbones and deep-set brown eyes. His strong jaw was dotted with light stubble. He rejoined the group and handed Gwaine the beer, falling into easy conversation relatively quickly. He learnt that Gwaine was a film maker, focused on directing documentaries and that he'd met Lance when they were both students at University. As they left for the party, deciding to walk given the warm summers night, rather than wait for a cab, Merlin spied Lance and Gwen exchanging victorious looks and gleeful whispers. Merlin would never understand why couples always seemed determined to match-make more couples, with the sole purpose of double dating.  

As they drew close to the hotel, Lance and Gwen fell back, epically failing at subtlety and Gwaine asked quietly, "So, on a scale of one to ten, how much have you been dreading this?" 

Merlin couldn't help but grin, relieved in the break in the tension. "About a six. How about you?" 

"Aye, I'd say about the same," Gwaine said, prompting a laugh from Merlin. 

Merlin was thankful for Gwaine's easy charm. "So, how about now? Scale of one to ten?" He could do this, he assured himself. He could go on a date. He definitely wasn't thinking about Arthur, nope, not at all. 

Gwaine placed a hand on the small of Merlin's back, leaning in so he was close to Merlin's ear. "You'll soon see," he whispered and pulled back with a cheeky smile before a loud cough shook him out of the brief flirtatious moment. Merlin looked up to see Arthur staring at him with an incomprehensible expression on his face. Morgana was standing next to him, a vision in emerald green and silently looking from Merlin to Arthur, clearly taking in Arthur's reaction also. Arthur narrowed his eyes and turned on his heels, walking away without further comment. 

Merlin inwardly shook himself out of it. "Hey Morgana, this is Gwaine,"  

"Lovely too meet you Gwaine, I've heard about you from Lance," she said, still watching Merlin with a curious glint in her eyes. If Gwaine noticed the previous unusual shift in the atmosphere, he didn't say anything except to offer a friendly greeting to Morgana. He still had his hand on Merlin's back and he guided Merlin into the party.

An hour later, the party was in full swing. Merlin thankful that he'd met most of the guests at the last party, enabling him to relax and not focus on being paraded around like a pony on show. As he stood chatting with Gwaine at the bar, he could still see Arthur glowering at him from across the room, where he stood leant against the wall, completely ignoring his company in favour of glaring at Merlin. The look on his face was not one that Merlin could decode.

"…Merlin?" Gwaine's questioning tone seeped back into his subconscious. Merlin whipped his head back around to focus on Gwaine, who was looking at him with a confused smile. 

Merlin blinked. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

"I asked what you wanted to drink?" Gwaine replied, still looking at Merlin oddly. 

"Oh -- a beer please." Merlin said, making a heroic effort to put Arthur out of his mind, as Gwaine turned to order the drinks. "Actually, I'm just going to pop to the bathroom," he decided abruptly. "I'll be back in a moment." He gave what he hoped was a reassuring smile and headed towards the toilets, inwardly kicking himself. 

When he got to the bathroom, he stood by the mirror and splashed a little cold water on his face, then patting it dry with the ridiculously soft egyptian cotton hand towel that accessorised the posh bathroom. _'Stop thinking about Arthur,'_  he told himself furiously, his head still buried in the towel. He knew no good could come of following that path, Arthur had made it perfectly clear that he thought Merlin little more than an idiot, who happened to work with him. And Gwaine was nice and funny and seemed to like him, unlike Arthur, who'd lied to him and why was he still thinking about Arthur? He sighed into the towel, breathing deeply. He lowered the towel slowly and tossed it to the side, still looking down. When he turned around, he started when he saw Arthur standing in front of him, his face full of indescribable emotion. Arthur's eyes bore a hole in Merlin, the intensity in the blue orbs coming close to frightening Merlin. 

"What --" Merlin's attempt at speech was interrupted by Arthur roughly pushing him into the wall. Merlin winced when his spine sharply hit the hard stone but before he could make a noise of protest, Arthur's mouth had descended on his and he was kissing him, the emotion Merlin had seen on his face earlier pouring out. Later he would tell himself he tried to resist, but almost instantly Merlin brought his hands up to entangle in Arthur's soft blonde hair, pulling his head impossibly closer. He opened his mouth to gasp and that's when Arthur slid his tongue in, gently coaxing Merlin's out and intertwining the two.  Lips moved against each other and tongues fought for dominance as one of Arthur's hands found their way to Merlin's back, gripping hard and the other held the back of his head. Eventually, they had to break for air, Arthur pulled back, resting his forehead against Merlin's, the pair of them breathing heavily. 

Neither of them spoke until Arthur pulled his head back and Merlin could see what just happened catching up with Arthur, his beautiful face twisted into conflicted emotions. He took a step back and shook his head, as Merlin opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. Arthur took another step back and Merlin finally managed to croak out, "Arthur." This seemed to bring Arthur back down to Earth. He touched his fingers to his lips lightly, bringing his eyes up to meet Merlin's before he turned and walked out. Merlin let out the breath he wasn't aware he'd been holding and sagged against the wall, wondering what the hell was going on. 

***

Arthur didn't speak to anybody when he returned to the party, his mind only focused on getting the hell out of there. He muttered some muddy, nonsensical excuse to Morgana who simply raised her eyebrows, not even bothering to ask. After that, everything became a blur until Arthur collapsed down on his bed, hands over his face, wondering what exactly he'd been playing at. It was as if he'd lost all control over himself, just the sight of Merlin arriving with someone had been enough to make him feel apart. The feeling of jealousy that had erupted in the pit of his stomach has surprised even him. He knew, rationally, that he had no reason to be jealous; he'd been the one to push Merlin away, the one who'd been afraid. But when that man had touched Merlin, all rational thought had gone, the twisting envious feeling in his gut increasing, almost impossibly. He couldn't think straight, couldn't concentrate on anything except watching Merlin for a moment to get him alone. He'd never felt this way before, about anyone and it scared him more than he could admit to himself.

 

A knock at his door shook him out of his thoughts. Arthur remained where he was, wishing his visitor away when another knock followed, then another, beating out a pattern on the wood that Arthur vaguely recognised as Jingle Bells. He strode across to the door, wrenching it open and freezing when he saw who was standing there, his closed fist hovering, ready to knock again.

"Will you stop running?" Merlin said simply. He didn't wait for an answer before barging past Arthur, into the hallway. 

Arthur sighed. "Do come in Merlin." Merlin didn't answer, having walked through the high archway into the lounge and was now gaping at the large room with wide eyes. Arthur never really thought of where he lived as being particularly posh. Compared to the mansion in which he'd been brought up, it was distinctly unimpressive but, now he thought about it, he could see the appeal. It wasn't a big flat, god no, Arthur had been insistently against that after growing up in a huge, often empty, house but, it was undeniably luxurious. The carpet was thick and cream in colour, with large deep red furniture, the sofa itself was about the size of Merlin's bedroom, against a backdrop of cream and gold wallpaper. Moonlight streamed in from the large bay windows, casting an illustrious gleam on everything in the room. 

"Morgana decorated," Arthur said, ruefully and Merlin turned around to face him.

"Figured," he said, softly. He walked into the room, running his fingers over the mahogany table and picking up Arthur's dog-eared copy of 'Of Mice and Men' to thumb through it. "This is my favourite book you know," he said, offhandedly.

Arthur couldn't stand this faux conversation. "Why are you here?" he demanded, his tone almost begging.

Merlin cocked his head, his expression difficult to read. "I'm here because that's twice you've run away now." Arthur didn't speak, he didn't know what to say. Merlin was still looking at him, waiting for a reply that Arthur could not give.

"What do you want me to say?" Arthur finally said, looking down at the floor. 

Merlin sighed. "I want you to be straight with me for once," he said, quietly. 

Arthur ignored this. "What about your date?" He spat out the word 'date' as if it were venomous.

"I told him I wasn't feeling well. And, I'd never met him before tonight so it was only a first date. In case you were wondering." Arthur felt a unexpected victorious rush about that fact.

What seemed like an hour passed before Merlin spoke again. "I don't get it," he began, "You were drunk when we kissed last time so whatever, I get that. I even get it if you don't want to be friends, but do you think you could not kiss me because you're kind of giving me a few mixed signals here?" His tone was casual, almost cavalier but Arthur could easily detect the vulnerability behind them. 

Suddenly, Arthur was fuming at Merlin for acting as though this was only difficult for him. "Could you consider for just _ten seconds_ what this is like for me?" he exploded, taking Merlin aback by his sudden outburst. He started to pace the room, his hands grabbing at his hair frantically. "I've dated girls all my life, I've never even thought about another man in that way and then you, you come along and, it's like I can't breathe and -- and how am I supposed to tell you? Huh, Merlin? How am I supposed to tell you...that I think about you all the time? Or, that I care about you more than anyone? That I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you in my life? I've only known you for a month." When he'd finally finished, Arthur stood there breathing heavily, his whole heart laid bare and he couldn't bring himself to look up at Merlin so he looked down at the floor, admiring what really was a very nice carpet. Then all of a sudden, another pair of feet were in front of his own and then, before he knew what he was doing, he collapsed into Merlin who held him tightly and guided them over to the sofa. Arthur had never felt so exposed, so raw.

Once he'd regained himself, he dared to look up to Merlin who met his eyes instantly. "Well, you could have told me like that, you prat," Merlin said, with an exasperated smile.

Arthur let out a small laugh, the tension broken. "Yeah I suppose I could have," he admitted, pausing before dipping his head to sweetly kiss Merlin. He smiled against Merlin's lips and stood up, pulling Merlin towards the bedroom as the kiss deepened. He'd given in, completely and utterly surrendered to Merlin. It was taking far too much energy to keep ignoring his feelings and, he realised, he really didn't want to anymore. 

So he led Merlin into the bedroom and pressed him down onto the bed, scattering wet, filthy, open-mouthed kisses against his neck and collarbone, then his chest and belly and hip, pulling his trousers and boxers down to release Merlin's hard cock. Then Arthur realised, he actually had no clue what to do. He knew what to do obviously but had no idea of how to go about it. Thankfully, Merlin was aware of this and rolled them over, so he was on top. Merlin then proceeded to divest Arthur of his clothes and when he took them both in his hand, _fuck,_ it was so good and Arthur inwardly kicked himself for not letting himself have this for so long because how could he have thought this wrong, when it was clearly so unbelievably fantastic.

"Merlin," Arthur hissed and dragged his head back down for another dirty kiss as he bucked, helplessly against Merlin's skilful hand. Merlin continued to stroke them both, getting faster and more erratic until Arthur was coming, spilling himself into Merlin's hand and then Merlin was coming too, with a climactic groan of: "Arthur". Panting, Merlin collapsed onto Arthur, his head buried in Arthur's neck where he proceeded to place soft kisses whilst Arthur caught his breath, trying in vain to wonder if sex had ever been so good. Merlin slid off Arthur, tucking himself into Arthur's side and tentatively wrapping a skinny arm around Arthur's chest. Arthur smiled and pulled him closer, kissing the top of his head tenderly before exhaustion took over and he drifted into a sated, happy sleep. 

***

"So, I think I'm kind of gay," Arthur volunteered the next morning, padding into the kitchen where Merlin was cooking breakfast. Arthur had woken up that morning to Merlin between his legs, briefly worried that he'd taken up with a shameless hussy then all thoughts of this disappearing as Merlin sucked at him harder and expertly flicked his tongue, sending Arthur spectacularly over the edge.

Merlin quirked an eyebrow, flipping the bread in the pan with an eggy spatula. "What tipped you off?" Arthur sent him a suggestive look and Merlin rolled his eyes, transferring the french toast to a plate. 

Arthur came up behind him and snaked his arms around Merlin's slender waist. "I think we should keep this just between us for now," he said carefully, praying to God that Merlin didn't take this the wrong way. Merlin stiffened in his embrace and Arthur placed a soothing kiss to the back of his neck.

Merlin spun around. "Why?" he asked, warily. "Do you regret it?"

"No," Arthur said, instantly. "Of course not." He watched as Merlin's face instantly relaxed. "I just…I'm not ready for people to know --"

"That you're gay" Merlin finished, with a raised eyebrow. "Okay," he said, causing Arthur's chest to tighten with hope, he had been sure Merlin would argue this. 

"Really? You don't mind?"

"Well, I'm not over the moon about it, but I remember what it was like when I first realised so, yeah, if time is what you need then that's fine. I just want you," he said, sealing his words with a kiss. He thought for a moment, before adding, "Gwen doesn't count though." 

Arthur nodded. "Morgana will probably drag it out of me as well," he admitted. "But, nobody else. Until I can wrap my head around all this…" He made a waving movement with his hand, gesturing between them.

Merlin smiled in agreement, bringing a hand up to brush Arthur's hair from where it had fallen in his eyes. Arthur couldn't help letting an exuberant grin spread across his face and Merlin's eyes twinkled. "What?" Arthur demanded.

Merlin laughed. "That grin is very unnatural on your face, I'm too used to you scowling at me all the time." Arthur responded by smacking Merlin's arse with a cry of: "Cheeky". Merlin wriggled out of his arms, giggling.

Arthur advanced on him with a predatory glint in his eyes. "We are very lucky we don't have to do the show this morning, I don't think I could keep my hands off you long enough." 

"That sounds good," Merlin said, backing into the bedroom slowly. Arthur watched him before jumping and running after him, laughing. He pounced on Merlin, pinning him to the bed and feeling more free and joyful than he could ever remember being. 

***

"Why me?" Merlin asked, as they languished in bed some time later. The breakfast had long since gone cold but neither men could contemplate leaving bed long enough to make any more. 

Arthur stopped tracing lazy patterns of Merlin's chest to give him a questioning look. "What do you mean?" 

"Well, you said yourself you've liked girls your whole life, so what was it about me that turned you?" Merlin laughed as Arthur closed his eyes in grimace at the phrase, whacking him lightly. "I'm serious, why me?"

Arthur propped himself up on one elbow. "Why do you want to know?" 

"I just do," Merlin replied, and he really did. He didn't kid himself; he knew he wasn't much to look at. He was interesting, he'd give himself that, but compared to the devastating physical perfection of Arthur, he just didn't compare. He didn't say any of this, of course. 

Arthur considered Merlin's question for just a second before he answered. "You remember when you saw my father yelling at me?" he asked, slowly. Merlin nodded, his eyes darkening at the memory of Uther's unkind words. Arthur continued, "Sometimes, I feel there's so much expected of me, that I can hardly breathe. But, being with you, was always so easy, even from the very beginning. I haven't got to be Arthur, heir to the Pendragon empire, I can just be myself." He blushed, as if his words were unexpected, even to him and laid his head back down, resting it on Merlin's chest.

Merlin felt a cheesy, soppy smile take over his face at Arthur's words, burying his head in Arthur's silky, golden hair. It seemed mad, just yesterday he and Arthur hadn't been speaking and now, they were here in bed together. His insides hadn't stopped flip-flopping since Arthur had first kissed him last night and didn't show any sign of planning to now. "I never knew you were such a softie," he teased, to which Arthur growled, yes, actually growled and Merlin kissed him deeply and desperately, thinking that there was no way he could ever have Arthur and then not have him, it would be as if the world ceased to exist. That thought scared him more than he thought possible and he wondered how he'd become so invested in one night. Maybe he always had been. 

***

It was close to afternoon before Merlin and Arthur dragged themselves out of bed, their need for sustenance outweighing their need for each other and it was even longer before Merlin checked his phone to find many increasingly frantic texts from Gwen, inquiring as to his whereabouts. The last one read, _'Merlin, if your skinny behind does not walk through this door in the next hour, then I will hunt you down and personally strangle you!'_ Merlin sent a quick one back: _'I'm fine, leaving soon. Calm down before you give yourself an aneurysm.'_  

Merlin looked over to where Arthur was lounged across the sofa, eagerly munching on freshly made french toast. His hair was tousled and completely flat on one side, there were pillow creases on his face and Merlin was fairly sure if he smelled him, then he would actually smell of sex. Merlin's heart actually contracted at the thought of leaving him, even for a brief period. 

He perched himself on the arm of the sofa. "So sometime, I am actually going to have to leave," he said, grabbing Arthur's remaining slice of toast. 

"I have to disagree," Arthur replied, without pausing, looking up at Merlin. 

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Morgana will come home eventually," he argued, giving a noise of surprise as Arthur pulled him onto his lap.

"I'll change the locks," Arthur said, trying to maintain a straight face. "She's at Leon's most of the time anyway." 

Merlin smiled. "Fair enough, but Gwen's threatened me with death if I don't come home soon." Merlin knew Gwen would follow through as well. When he'd first starting seeing Will, he'd not returned her calls for four days and Gwen responded by calling his mother. Merlin would never recover from the trauma of his mother walking in on him and Will, in a particularly compromising position on the kitchen counter. What followed was a conversation about food hygiene and safe sex that Merlin had never been quite able to repress. He inwardly smiled at the memory until a small flicker of something close to guilt appeared in his bottom of his gut at the thought of Will whilst he was straddling Arthur's lap. 

"Well, we can't have that," Arthur said, lightly, shaking him out of his thoughts. "Who would I go to for sex?" He emphasised this by cupping Merlin's crotch, causing him to arch against him. 

Merlin playfully pushed Arthur away. "No," he warned, drawing an adorable pout from Arthur at the lack of contact. It took all of Merlin's willpower to prevent himself kissing Arthur which would undoubtedly lead to another hour or two in the bedroom and he would quite like to avoid a brutal murder at Gwen's hands, thank you very much. "I'm serious Arthur," he said. "I've just got to nip home and reassure Gwen, maybe sleep and shower then I'll see you tomorrow for the show, bright and early." He sent Arthur a dazzling grin that he knew Arthur wouldn't be able to refuse.

He could see Arthur's resolve weakening. "Fine," Arthur sighed. Merlin saw Arthur begin to put back up the walls that had been down since last night. He leant forward, his lips close to Arthur's ear. "I don't want to leave, you know I don't," he whispered. When Arthur simply shrugged his shoulders in reply, Merlin tried a different approach. He brushed his lips against Arthur's ear, blowing hotly and bit gently down on the lobe. He felt Arthur shiver beneath him, the evidence of his arousal pressing into his thigh. Arthur pulled his head back, his eyes darkened with lust. "All right, but blow me before you go?" 

Merlin wasn't quite sure who had won but at this point, he didn't care, smiling as he leant down to kiss Arthur.

***

 

"I'm home Gwen," Merlin called, pulling his key out of the door and depositing it in the orange dish on the desk by the front door, as his phone buzzed yet again in his pocket. "You can stop texting me." His eyes scanned the room and located Gwen sitting in the faded green chair by the bookcase. She had a cup of tea in her hands and was shooting daggers at Merlin from across the room. 

She stood up and walked over to Merlin. "Don't do that to me again," she said, hitting Merlin repeatedly with tiny fists, who held up his hands in defence. 

"Gwen, stop it, Gwen," he pleaded, grabbing her tiny wrists. "I'm sorry," he added sincerely. 

Gwen seemed to relax at his apology, stopping her physical abuse of Merlin. "You really scared me Merlin, I had no idea what had happened to you," she said disapprovingly and Merlin ducked his head in shame. "Gwaine just said you weren't feeling well and you took off. Did you really not like him that much Merlin?" 

Merlin brought his head up quickly. "What? No, no, nothing to do with Gwaine. He was lovely but…" Merlin trailed off, unsure what to say because the truth was that Gwaine was perfect, he just wasn't Arthur. 

"Yes?" Gwen prompted, impatiently. "Where have you been?"

Merlin took a deep breath. "I was with Arthur," he said, watching as Gwen's eyes widened. 

"Arthur?" Her brow furrowed and Merlin watched her mind work through it all. "But I thought -- you and Arthur? Right ok, that was unexpected." She sat down onto the edge of the desk.

"Yeah, I didn't really expect it either," Merlin admitted, unable to stop a ridiculously large smile appearing on his face. Gwen's expression softened considerably at this and she placed her arm around his waist, pulling him into a warm hug, Merlin resting his stubbly chin on her soft curls. "And I am sorry about Gwaine," he added apologetically. 

"It's okay, he's pretty easy going. He'll understand," Gwen pulled back to kiss him on the cheek. 

Later that evening, once Merlin had showered and changed and Gwen had made a pot of tea, they sat down on the sofa with a steaming cup of tea and Merlin filled Gwen in on the whole story. She listened patiently until he'd finished before falling back into the cushions. "I can't believe you didn't tell me any of this," she said finally, shooting Merlin an accusing look. 

Merlin shook his head. "There was never really much to tell, to be honest. I mean, it never really seemed to get going. Then, last night happened," he said, taking a sip of tea and wincing at the heat. "We're keeping it quiet for now though."

Gwen looked sympathetic. "You don't mind that?" she asked. 

"Not for now," Merlin answered, just hoping that Arthur didn't want to keep it secret for too long. He'd come 'out of the closet' when he was nineteen to his mother and his friends, he really had no desire reverse that. After a moments thought, Merlin chose now to ask Gwen for something he'd been wanting to do for a while, even more so since last night. "Gwen, I need you to do something for me," he said, looking down at his hands. 

Gwen ducked her head down to look at Merlin's hidden face. "Anything," she offered.

Merlin swallowed, closing his eyes, then raising his head to meet her deep brown eyes. "I need you to visit Will's grave with me." 

***

It was times like this that Merlin loved Gwen, more than he could ever say. She hadn't asked questions or complained about the fact that it was at least an hour and a half drive, she simply grabbed her car keys and said: "Lets go." They stopped on the way at a nearby florist where Merlin spent a few minutes picking out flowers. He eventually decided on white lilies, mixed in with some deep orange and yellow gerbera, wrapping them up tenderly with a thick gold ribbon, paying silently. 

When they arrived at the cemetery an hour later, Gwen turned off the radio that neither of them had been really listening to. "I'll wait in the car," she said quietly, stroking Merlin's arm. He nodded, with a forced smile and got out of the car. He didn't have to think about where he was going, he'd done this journey enough times to be able to walk it in his sleep. He clutched the flowers as a familiar tree alerted him that he was near and, sure enough, the dark grey headstone loomed into sight within a few minutes. Merlin blinked back tears as he knelt down on the soft grass, curling his legs beneath him. Large letters spelling out Will's name assaulted his eyesight and his vision became blurry for a moment. 

"Hey," he said softly as a single tear rolled down his cheek. He laid the flowers against the stone and reached out to trace the 'W' of the inscription with his finger, ever so gently. "I'm sorry I haven't been by in a while, so much has happened you wouldn't believe." He leant back on his heels, letting his hand drop onto his thigh. "God, where do I even start? I got a new job, that's where it all began really. I met this lady, Morgana at one of Gwen's parties, do you remember how dull they were? Well, I was sitting at a bar and she sat next to me and we got talking and then, she offered me a job working on a breakfast show, as the host. I know, I couldn't believe it either, I wasn't even going to go but Gwen made me. I'm glad I did because the job is incredible and the people -- the people, there who I work with are amazing. I met someone, Arthur he's my co-host. He's a complete prat, you would hate him Will. I did at first, then I realised that he's also kind and loyal and honourable, hard-working, silly and sweet. I think I love him Will and that terrifies me because I haven't…been with anyone, not since you. But I do, love him, and I thought you should be the first person I told. I haven't even told him yet. I miss you so much, every single day, not just as my lover but as my friend. I have to move on and, Arthur -- I really think I could be happy with him. I know you'd want that for me."

When Merlin finished, he wasn't surprised to feel his cheeks were wet. He stayed there for a little while longer, talking about Wake Up Britain and about Arthur and Gwen and Lance. It wasn't until he noticed the sky beginning to darken that he stood up, wiping under his eyes with one hand. He murmured a goodbye to the grave, kissing his fingers then touching the headstone. He returned to the car, where Gwen was waiting to embrace him tightly, her own eyes glistening as she kissed his forehead. "Don't you feel guilty Merlin, not for one second," she whispered fiercely.

"I know," he said, holding her close. When they finally broke apart, Gwen's eyes searched his face. 

"Are you okay?" She asked genuinely. 

Merlin nodded with a smile. "Yeah, I actually am." Merlin wasn't planning on telling Arthur that he'd been to see Will's grave; he knew it would scare him off, the thought that Merlin had felt guilty over their night together and, really, Merlin hadn't. Visiting Will's grave had felt like something he needed to do for closure, in order to be with Arthur fully. Since Arthur had wordlessly pressed a cool key into his palm as he'd left that morning, Merlin got the impression that Arthur wasn't someone one could 'kind of' be with, one was either in or out and Merlin was definitely in. 

***

Arthur was still grinning like a madman when Morgana walked in that evening. She stopped when she saw him sitting in the chair, holding Merlin's jacket that he'd left there. Her face became quite alarmed as Arthur greeted her cheerfully with a call of, "Morgana, I'm so glad your back."

"What's wrong with you?" she demanded instantly. 

Arthur laughed loudly, rising to grasp Morgana's shoulders. "Nothing," he practically sang. "Nothing at all."

Morgana lowered her voice, "Are you high?" She looked down at the jacket Arthur was still grasping. "Whose is that?" She asked, sounding rather bewildered now.

"Merlin's," Arthur said, the crooked smile on his face becoming impossibly wider. 

Something fall into place in Morgana's mind. "So that's why you left in the middle of the party, right after you'd followed Merlin into the bathroom -- kinky, by the way Arthur -- and then text me saying that it wouldn't be the worst thing if I were to spend the day at Leon's?" 

"Yep," Arthur said happily, crossing over into the kitchen. Morgana rolled her eyes and followed him after a minute, to find him making a sandwich and, oh god, actually singing Jingle Bells. Morgana began to fear for his sanity. 

"So," she started, hopping up to sit on the edge of the table, her legs dangling. "What happened to, 'Me like girls, me straight man, grrr'"

Arthur licked a spot of mayonnaise off his little finger before taking a seat, pushing Morgana up to make room for his plate. "Me like boys," he joked and Morgana whacked him on the upside of his head. "Fine, I decided to stop denying myself what I wanted for once. Happy?"

She jumped down and bent her face close to his. "Extremely," she announced, with a grin of her own. She turned and started to walk out of the room when Arthur called after her: "Don't tell anyone, Morgana." She smiled to herself, she loved it when he thought he was in charge.

"Yeah, yeah," she replied, with a wave of her hand back in Arthur's direction, bounding off with a satisfied smile.

***

In many ways, being Arthur's secret boyfriend was kind of a turn on. Their banter on screen was now more like foreplay, every word had a sexual undertone. They even tried to one-up each other by seeing who could sound the most suggestive without actually getting an erection live on air which nearly always let to them rushing off after it finished to have blistering hot sex back home, whilst Morgana followed them with a knowing smile. It had only been a few times when they hadn't made it home, pushing themselves into the nearest empty room/cubicle they could find and going at it like drunk monkeys. It made Merlin happy, in an inappropriate sort of way, to know that he had this effect on Arthur. 

Today was one of those days. Morgana had taken to introducing new ways in which to make them compete, thereby introducing lots of banter. The Cooking Segment was the latest of which and today, Merlin and Arthur were both baking chocolate brownies, then the special guest later would taste each and declare the winner. Merlin had won four times and Arthur only twice. In a moment of brazen flirting, Merlin had dipped his finger into the gooey mixture and risen it to his mouth, sucking on it in an outrageous manner and turned to the camera with a wink saying, "Mmm that's delicious. Arthur, I bet yours doesn't taste that good?" He watched with satisfaction as Arthur's pupils dilated just a bit, his eyes wild with lust but then, to Merlin's great disappointment, he recovered almost instantly, retorting with a, "No, mine tastes better," glaring at Merlin. Merlin looked back innocently and couldn't help noticing that Arthur walked a bit stiffly back over the sofa, arranging his position so the papers were on his lap.

Merlin was paying for it now, although was it really revenge if he enjoyed it so much? Arthur's hot lips cut of that train of thought quickly as he shoved Merlin against the wall of their favourite abandoned room and claimed his mouth. Merlin twisted his fingers in Arthur's hair, pulling his head back to suck on his neck. Arthur moaned lightly and shoved his hands straight down into Merlin's pants, caressing him through his boxers. Merlin groaned, jutting his hips forward to meet Arthur's strokes. Suddenly, Arthur dropped him like a hot coal, pulling his hand away and shoving Merlin back, quite harshly. Merlin was dazed, confused at the change in character until he heard what Arthur had: footsteps and voices outside in the corridor, heading in this direction. "Shit," Arthur swore, hurriedly rearranging his shirt. Merlin did up his trousers, watching as Arthur frantically buttoned his shirt, with a slightly insulted look. 

Then Arthur turned to him. "Hide," he hissed, wildly looking around the room before his eyes settled on a coat closet in the corner. "In there."

Merlin looked at him annoyed. "Arthur, don't be ridiculous, I'm not--" but Arthur had shoved him into the closet, ignoring him completely and closed the door, leaning against it to stop Merlin getting out. The closet he was shoved in was musty and cramped, his tall frame just barely fitting in. His back was still bent uncomfortably and his trousers weren't even zipped up properly, Arthur too preoccupied with hiding Merlin away, like a dirty little secret. As he attempted to adjust his body, to make himself more comfortable, the irony of hiding a gay relationship by being in the closet hit him. He'd swore he'd never end up back in here. Just then, Merlin heard the voices outside grow louder and louder until they completely passed the room by. Merlin felt like punching something. Preferably Arthur, but he really wasn't fussy. 

The door opened slowly, Arthur's apologetic face peering in. "Sorry, I panicked," he said, sounding guilty. Merlin glared at him, not speaking as he gingerly climbed out of the closet. Arthur watched him as he picked dust off his hair, flicking it away with disgust. Without looking back, Merlin silently walked out of the room.

***

Arthur still felt horrible as he turned the key  He hadn't meant to be so rough and rejecting, he'd just fell apart at the thought of being discovered like that. He wasn't ashamed of Merlin, he honestly wasn't. It was just..this thing, with Merlin, was unlike anything he'd ever had. Arthur physically ached when Merlin wasn't around, the weeks they hadn't been talking had been the worst of his life. It was if they were two sides of the same coin, two halves of a whole and Arthur had never felt like this before. He didn't know what it was, couldn't describe it and he just didn't want to tell people until he did.

He tossed his keys on the kitchen counter, before he walked into his bedroom to see Merlin sitting in his favourite chair by the window. "Hi?" he said, more than a little surprised to see Merlin there.

Merlin didn't look at him, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Arthur, I don't want to talk to you right now." 

Arthur looked around, just to make sure he hadn't actually walked into the wrong flat, as he was preoccupied with thinking about Merlin the way home. Nope, his bed, his desk, definitely his room. He looked outside and, yep, his lounge and kitchen. He turned back to Merlin. "But, you're in my bedroom," he said, very slowly. Merlin dropped his hand from his face, his brow furrowing. 

"Oh yeah," he realised, with a small smile. Arthur gingerly crossed the room, dropping to his knees in front of the floor. "I'm still mad at you," Merlin insisted. 

Arthur smirked. "Sure you are," but he knew it was going to be okay. He unzipped Merlin slowly. "We didn't finish what we started earlier," he said, wickedly. 

"I really am," he protested but still lifted his hips so Arthur could tug his trousers down. There was a sharp intake of breath as Arthur took him in his mouth. 

Merlin looked down to see Arthur's eyes full of innocence, a perfect mirror of Merlin's earlier, and his mouth full. "This is cheating."

Sometime later Arthur collapsed breathlessly beside Merlin, panting heavily. "Okay, I forgive you," Merlin conceded breathlessly. Arthur simply nodded, currently unable to form words, and placed a kiss to Merlin's shoulder. They lay there for another minute or so, regaining their senses. Arthur lazily glanced at the clock on the bedside table and was shook out of his post-coital haze when it read 13:42. "Shit," he said, under his breath, drawing a puzzled look from Merlin. 

"What is it?" Merlin asked, without moving. He wasn't sure his legs were working yet.

Arthur unwillingly rose from bed, grabbing his clothes. "I have to meet my father for lunch at two," he said, as he simultaneously tried to pull on his trousers and button his shirt. "He hates it if I'm late." 

Merlin nodded, memories of Uther's yelling clearly in his mind. "Okay," he said. "Hurry back though."

"I will," Arthur reassured, tying his shoes. When he'd finished, he bend down to give Merlin a soft kiss on the lips. "Trust me, I wish I didn't have to go -- lunch with father is always so very dull," he said, against Merlin's lips.

Merlin smiled and Arthur kissed his forehead before begrudgingly pulled away, heading out the door, grabbing his jacket off the chair.

***

Arthur had only been at lunch twelve minutes and he was already wishing he was back home with Merlin. He'd made it on time, thankfully, but his father was still already there, waiting for him with an impatient look on his face. He'd then ordered lobster, which Arthur hated, for both of them without asking Arthur. Then, just in case people hadn't realised that Uther was stinking rich, he'd requested a bottle of champagne for their table, which Arthur also hated. He was still drinking it because, well, alcohol. 

Uther put down his glass and rested his elbows on the table, his chin leaning on his clasped hands. "So, Arthur," he began conversationally. "Morgana tells me that the show is doing quite well."

"Yes," Arthur nodded. "It is, I'm really enjoying doing it."

Uther scrutinised Arthur's face. "Sure you don't want to come and work for my company?" Arthur felt like smacking his head against the table. Uther tried to pressure Arthur into working for him every time they saw each other. 

Arthur shook his head. "Sorry father, you know how much Morgana wants me for the show." Uther responded with a tight smile.

"Are there any girls on the scene?" Uther asked, suddenly changing his direction. Well, this was new. Uther never usually asked Arthur about his personal life, preferring to focus on how many ways he was a disappointment. Just then, a shadow cast on their table made Arthur look up to see a frazzled looking waiter with their food. Arthur was extremely grateful for the distraction. How on earth was he going to broach the subject of Merlin to Uther, who was incredibly old-fashioned. He picked up his napkin, laying it on his lap as Uther did the same, picking up the lobster and breaking off it's leg. 

"What was I saying?" Uther muttered. Arthur held his breath, praying to God that he'd forgotten. "Oh yes, any girls at the moment Arthur?" _'Screw you, God,'_ Arthur inwardly bellowed.

Arthur had no idea what to say. "Um," Uther was watching him intently. "No special girl, no." Arthur eventually said. It wasn't exactly a lie, he wasn't seeing any girls. He promised himself that he would tell Uther about Merlin next time. Oh, what a fun conversation that would be. 

Uther seemed pleased. "Excellent," he said, digging into his meal. Arthur found this newfound enthusiasm over Arthur's bachelorhood a little strange but he was so thankful to get Uther off the topic, that he let it slide. 

"Have you heard that Aredian made another arrest?" Uther said. Arthur shook his head, preparing himself for another tale of Uther's detective friend. Although, Arthur mused, he does seem to have gone a little bit barmy. He stifled a yawn as he feigned interest as Uther continued to talk about the upcoming trial, his mind back in bed with Merlin. 

***

"Arthur," Uther's greeting voice came from behind the cameras just as Leon had yelled "Cut." Merlin failed to hide the surprise on his face. Uther never visited the set and Arthur himself was even shocked by this.  

Arthur recovered first. "Father," he said, still sounding bewildered. "What are you doing here?" He got up from the sofa, placing the newspaper headlines from their final segment back on the coffee table. Merlin rose also, instead walking over to talk to Lance behind the camera.

Uther walked over to meet Arthur. "I have some news," he offered, smiling widely. The effect was slightly terrifying.  

"News?" Arthur was extremely confused. "What news?"

"You remember Godwyn?" Uther asked. Arthur nodded slowly, Godwyn was Uther's old friend and business parter. Uther continued, "He will be visiting this weekend and bringing his daughter Elena. I've heard she has grown into quite the beauty," he said with intent. He waited for a response, looking at Arthur who could only stare back blankly. "Good God, Arthur, do I have to spell it out for you boy?" Uther chuckled. 

"I'm afraid so, father." Arthur had no idea what his father was trying to say. He remembered Godwyn vaguely from his childhood and had heard tales of his tomboyish daughter Elena, but was clueless as to why their visit would be so important.

Uther sighed. "Such a match between you and Elena would be beneficial to the company."

"Match?" Arthur really hoped this wasn't going where he thought it was. He knew his father was old-fashioned but surely--

"Yes, a match," Uther interrupted his thoughts. "It would ensure the continuation of our business partnership for years to come." Uther clapped a hand on Arthur's shoulder who could do nothing besides stare at Uther in blank horror. Then he remembered Merlin, who was still within earshot, looking over to see Merlin expressionlessly studying the situation. Arthur had to stop this ridiculous idea before Uther booked a church and hired a car.

Arthur pulled himself together, turning back to his father. "I can't," he said quickly, causing Uther to frown, which was even more dangerous than the previous smile. 

"You can't?" Uther repeated, a menacing undercurrent now accompanying his voice. 

Arthur shook his head. "No, I'm afraid not, father." 

Uther eyes narrowed. "Why ever not? You said yourself you weren't seeing anyone special?" Arthur inwardly kicked himself; he knew there'd been a reason why Uther had been asking about his love life. 

Arthur closed his eyes. He couldn't look at Merlin's eyes, see the hurt flickering there, knowing he had caused it. Arthur searched his mind desperately, looking for something, anything, to derail Uther, if just until Arthur could talk to Merlin. He could think of nothing, his mind had gone completely blank, there was no excuse he could come up with. He knew he'd waited too long, when he opened his eyes to see the back of Merlin's retreating head.

"Arthur?" Uther's impatient tone snapped Arthur back to the problem at hand. 

"Uh, sure. I'll meet her," Arthur agreed, the words not even registering with his brain as he watched Merlin walk out of the door.

***

By the time Arthur escaped from Uther, there was no sign of Merlin, which was why Arthur now found himself standing outside the door to Merlin's flat. He'd been there for fifteen minutes already, willing himself to knock but he couldn't bring himself to. He didn't know what he was going to say. With the exception of working for Morgana rather than for the family business, Arthur had never said no to his father. That's why he'd taken Chemistry instead of Art as A-Level. Why he'd studied Economics at University rather than English. Why he was now apparently going to date a girl he'd never met, rather than being with Merlin. 

The decision was taken out of his hands as the door suddenly open in front of him, delivering a bustling Gwen into the corridor. She started when she saw Arthur standing there, bringing a hand up to her chest. 

"Arthur?" Gwen closed the door behind her, confirming Arthur's suspicions that Merlin was inside. She stepped up to him, cocking her head to one side. "What are you doing here?" 

Arthur ignored her question, instead asked, "Is Merlin inside?" 

"Perhaps," she replied, with a small smile. She then sighed, her face serious. "What's happened?" 

"He didn't tell you?" Arthur was sure he would have told Gwen straight away. 

Gwen shook her head, biting her lip. "He just came in and walked into his room. I followed him and asked what was wrong, he said nothing, but I know him too well to believe that. I was just nipping out to get some wine for tonight." That explained her casual attire of worn jeans and a soft, purple, cable-knit jumper, very different to the smart clothes she usually sported whenever Arthur had seen at his father's offices. 

Arthur nodded, pursing his lips. "I've got to go talk to him," he said. 

"Okay," Gwen said, her dark eyes still full of concern. "I'll just…" she trailed off, gesturing down the corridor. 

"Thank you," Arthur replied gratefully, turning towards the door. It creaked open as Arthur pushed against it, calling out Merlin's name as he did so. When no reply came and a quick scan of the flat showed it was empty, Arthur headed towards the closed door which he guessed lead to Merlin's bedroom. He rapped his knuckles against it gently, still gaining no reply. 

"Merlin, it's Arthur," he said loudly. "I'm coming in." When he heard no protest, he entered to see Merlin lying on the bed, looking up at the cracked ceiling with a dull expression. He had changed out of the dark suit he wore to the morning's show, now wearing faded brown trousers and an electric blue t-shirt. "I thought I was the runner in this relationship," he remarked, trying to make a weak attempt at humour. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed, the mattress sagging as his weight was added to it. He blamed that on Merlin's crappy furniture, not the large amount of cake he'd been eating recently.

Merlin didn't move from his spot on the bed, or even move his head. "I wasn't aware we had a relationship," he said evenly. 

That stung Arthur. "Of course we do," he disagreed, trying to keep his legendary temper in check. 

Merlin finally moved his head to look at Arthur, finally meeting his eyes "Then why can't I kiss you in front of anyone?"

Arthur jumped up and began pacing the room. "We've been through this," he exclaimed, a little frustrated now. Merlin knew this wasn't easy for him.

"Not really," Merlin argued, swinging his legs around so he was sat on the edge of the bed. "I'm fed up of hiding, Arthur. Sneaking in empty rooms and dark corners, it's not fun anymore. I'm not sure it ever was. And, the fact that you didn't even tell your father about us when he wants you to court that Elena girl, I mean, you couldn't have asked for a more perfect set-up."

"It's not that simple--" Arthur attempted to say but was interjected by Merlin stating, "It really is."

Merlin shook his head slightly, his eyes sad. "Arthur, we're not in a relationship. I'm just your dirty mistress." 

Arthur felt like he'd been slapped. "You said you wouldn't pressure me," he accused, his voice rising considerably. "I thought you understood. You said you were okay with this." He couldn't stop his voice betraying the emotion he was feeling. This was exactly why he never did relationships; people just chip pieces away, again and again, until there's nothing left.

"I guess I'm not," Merlin said, his voice low. "I can't want to do this anymore." Arthur swallowed past a lump the size of a melon in his throat. 

"Well," Arthur said, quietly. "I'm ever so sorry to have made you my, what was it? Oh yes, "dirty mistress". You won't have that problem anymore, let me assure you of that. From now on, we're just colleagues, nothing more."

Merlin jutted his chin out. "After next week, we won't even be that."

"What?" Arthur asked, his voice wavering slightly. What did that mean? Surely he wasn't going to quit. He thought Merlin loved his job on the show. But then, he'd also thought Merlin loved him. 

Merlin laughed humourlessly. "Don't you know? My trial contract ends after this week. Morgana asked if I wanted to stay on permanently but I was going to talk it over with you first. I guess I'll be turning it down then?"

 _Shit._ Arthur had completely forgotten Merlin didn't have a permanent contract. Well, he supposed it was better this way. If he didn't have to see Merlin on a daily basis, he could just forget about this little affair and move on. "Good," he replied harshly. "That will be much better for both of us." Saying that sentence was possibly one of the hardest things he'd done in his entire life. His heart clenched almost painfully and he turned towards the door, before his true feelings were displayed on his face. He stopped when he got to the door, tilting his head slightly as if he were to speak. He opened his mouth, a torrent of emotion so close to coming out. The way Merlin said it, it sounded so easy: to tell his father about him and Merlin, to tell everyone. But it wasn't, he feared how his father would react, what he would do. He snapped his mouth shut and continued walking, slamming the door behind him.

***

The next few days passed in a haze, Merlin simply going through the motions for the last few of his shows. If there was now a harsher bite to Arthur's words, he chose not to take notice of it. Arthur had made his choice and he'd chosen safety and his reputation. He obviously didn't care about Merlin enough to tell his father no. From what he'd dragged from Morgana, with great difficulty as she interjected each sentence with, "Talk to Arthur!", he had taken this Elena out on a few dates and Uther was still pushing for a more "permanent union". Apparently, the Pendragon family was stuck in the Middle Ages. Yes, Arthur had made it perfectly clear that he did not care for Merlin one bit, yet every so often, he caught Arthur looking at him out the corner of his eye, an indecipherable look on his face. If he didn't know better, he'd say it was pain. These were so far and few between that Merlin convinced himself it was his imagination playing cruel tricks, the way it had when he'd sworn he'd saw Will walking down the street, only to look back and realise it was a complete stranger. 

Which led Merlin to this exact moment, sitting on the stupid green sofa he'd grown to hate, next to the even stupider prat he'd grown to love, on his last show. Morgana had asked him more that once to stay on but he'd refused. He felt physically unable to spend another morning sitting on that sofa, as if his heart would simply fail from suffering so much. The agony was unbearable. He felt close to breaking down, as he looked at Arthur's boyish face and his beautiful cheekbones that Merlin had brushes kisses against. His eyes, that had lit up with an almost ethereal glow when he was happy and that had darkened with lust. His lips that twisted into that playful crooked grin, that had brought so much pleasure but, also so much pain, the lips that had spoke hurtful words, twisted instead into a sneer. Merlin's heart contracted as he studied Arthur's face, trying to imbed it into his memory before the final few minutes of the show were over and he was 'free' to walk away and never see Arthur again. He pasted a fake smile on his face as Arthur ended the show, reading from the auto-cue in a monotonous voice.

"That's a wrap," called Leon, holding up his hand. Merlin felt his heart sink right down into his shoes. He could feel Arthur's eyes on him, a pressure so intense it almost hurt, but he refused to look at him. Merlin rose from the sofa, gripping the arm tightly, as though afraid he couldn't stand. He knew without looking that Arthur was still watching him and he heard Arthur move, then felt a presence behind him, so close he could feel warm breath on the back of his neck. Nobody spoke. Merlin swallowed and walked forward, intent on getting the hell out of there before anyone could see his eyes glistening.

"Merlin," Merlin inwardly cursed as he saw Morgana striding up to him. He tried to smile but even he knew it wasn't quite reaching his eyes. If Morgana noticed this, she didn't comment on it, instead saying, "We're having a small get-together tonight in honour of your leaving."

Merlin opened his mouth to protest but she cut him off. "You're coming Merlin, I don't care what you say. We've worked with you for two months, we just want to say goodbye." Morgana sounded so determined that Merlin didn't have the heart to say no, especially when he just wanted to get out of there. He could avoid Arthur at the party, somehow. 

"Yeah, okay," he agreed, pausing before adding a genuine, "Thank you, Morgana." She kissed him on the cheek, smiling almost sadly. Merlin excused himself politely, not looking at Arthur as he walked out of the stage door for the last time. 

***

Arthur could have kicked himself. In fact, he nearly did when he got back to his dressing room, before remembering it was physically impossible and settling for kicking his dressing table. Which had hurt a lot and he was fairly certain he had a broken toe but it didn't compare, not when he remembered how stupid he'd been. He'd forgotten himself in a brief moment of weakness. Sitting so close to Merlin was something akin to torture and Arthur had slipped, stepping up behind him. He'd just wanted to be close to him for one final time, to smell that warm, spicy scent that he didn't think he'd ever forget. He stood now with his arms braced on the table, breathing heavily. He looked up at himself in the mirror, repeatedly telling himself, _'He doesn't want you, he doesn't want you, he doesn't want you.'_ He threw himself down in his chair, rearranging himself as he sat on an awkward lump. He reached under the cushion, pulling out the t-shirt Merlin had left there one day. _'In for a penny, in for a pound'_ he thought, forgoing all self-respect as he hugged it close, breathing in the scent. He briefly wandered the earful he'd get if Morgana were to catch him in like this. He stuffed the t-shirt into his bag and headed home.

When he got there, Morgana was waiting for him in the kitchen. "Ah, Arthur," she greeted, in that suspicious tone that always indicated she wanted something. "Cake?" She held out a plate with a large slice of coffee cake on it, Arthur's favourite. She definitely wanted something. 

"What is it Morgana?" Arthur sighed, really wanting to just get into his room and lie on the bed. Possibly cuddling with a teddy wearing Merlin's top. 

Morgana watched him carefully. "I would like for you to come to the Merlin's leaving party tonight." 

Arthur just looked at her as if she was insane. "Why would I do that?" 

"Because, you were friends and -- whatever else it is you were and I think you should try and sort it out before he leaves." She said, having obviously rehearsed this once or twice. 

Arthur slunk down into the stool, exhaling. "Morgana…" 

"Don't you dare "Morgana" me!" The angry words burst out of her as she jumped up and began to pace the tiled floor, angrily. "You were the happiest I think I've ever seen you in the past few months and since you stopped being with Merlin, you've done nothing but mope around here like a sad little puppy. You won't even tell me what's wrong, or what happened so you are going to come to tonight and at least say goodbye or, so help me God, I will…I will…shave off your hair in your sleep." After she had finished her rant, she stood there panting and staring Arthur down for a few moments before turning and marching out of the kitchen. A second later, Arthur heard her door slam.

He sat there, a little shellshocked, one hand reflexively caressing his hair. Morgana was a terrifying women, no doubt about it and he knew from experience that there was about a 90% chance she would actually follow through on her threats and, really, Arthur quite liked his hair. He got up and slowly walked through the lounge, stopping at her open bedroom door. He dutifully swallowed his pride. "Okay, I'll come, but I'm not doing any heartfelt goodbyes. In fact, I'll be residing permanently at the bar, adding my drinks to your tab. That is the best I can do." His response was a loud harrumph from inside the room, which he took as an 'okay'. 

***

True to his word, from the moment he got there, Arthur set up shop at the bar and stayed there, ordering beer after beer. He could feel Morgana shooting him meaningful glances from across the room, where she stood with Merlin. He hadn't looked at Merlin once since he'd arrived and he didn't plan on doing so. At least not until he was considerably drunker. 

"Hello Arthur," came a dreamy voice from his left. Arthur looked up to see Mr Hurt sidle into the seat next to him, a small smile on his face. Arthur nodded in greeting and Mr Hurt sighed, still smiling. "I told you destiny would not run smooth," he said softly. 

Arthur jerked his head up at that to meet soft hazel eyes. "What do you mean Mr Hurt?"

"Call me John," he replied, holding up his fingers to catch the bartenders eye.

"What do you mean John?" Arthur said, through gritted teeth. 

John merely shook his head slowly. "My, you have been a fool Arthur Pendragon."

Clearly the old man was completely batty. "What are you talking about?" Arthur begged exasperatedly. "You keep talking about "destiny" and shit, there is nothing between me and Merlin -- at least, not anymore -- but, that's besides the point. The point is, we don't have any kind of destiny together."

John continued to look at him, completely ignoring Arthur's question. He broke eye contact to order a scotch from the bartender and Arthur drained his bottle, gesturing for another. Once the bartender had left, John spoke again, still looking ahead. "You know I met my wife, Alice, when I was a little bit younger that you," he began conversationally. "She was from a family who very much didn't get on with mine, very 'Romeo and Juliet' I know, but it's the truth. We met at a youth club and hated each other instantly, because of our families. Then, one night, I was walking home and I saw her being cornered by a man down a dark alleyway. I hated her, but I couldn't let her be attacked so I intervened, asked the man to back off and he did. I walked her home that night and we talked and we fell in love. Our families wouldn't stand for it, of course. They threatened to send me away, threatened many things, but none of it mattered. Because we loved each other." 

He turned his head to stare intently at Arthur with a piercing gaze. "Isn't that really all that matters?" 

John turned back when the bartender arrived with their drinks and Arthur took his beer wordlessly. He was surprised to find himself moved by the story. John was right. Of course, he was right. He loved Merlin. He'd never told him that when they were together but he knew he did. He loved Merlin and none of the other stuff mattered one bit, as long as he got to be with him. Arthur bowed his head. "I've fucked it all up haven't I?" 

John patted his back gently. "Yes my boy, but not forever."

Arthur stood from his seat. "Thank you," he said sincerely and John nodded once. Arthur's eyes frantically searched the room for Merlin until he saw that tell-tale gangly silhouette. He started to make his way over and Merlin's face split into a wide grin.

"Arthur?" Oh no, Arthur inwardly screamed, as he recognised Elena's voice calling at him from the doorway. He dragged his eyes away from Merlin slowly and, yes, there she was, waving at him half-heartedly with none other that his father standing next to her. Arthur turned back to see Merlin looking in Elena's direction, his grin fading fast to be replaced by one of anguish. Arthur felt sick to his stomach to have thought he'd caused Merlin yet more pain. Merlin watched as Elena clumsily made her way over to Arthur, tripping over her feet more than once, the last time saving herself from a fall by latching onto Arthur's arm, giggling. His father watched from the doorway, with a pleased expression. 

Arthur watched Merlin shake his head, to himself more than anyone, turning to walk away. Arthur knew in that moment that he would not be able to convince Merlin of his true feelings by simply telling him, not after what he'd done. No, he needed to do something bigger. 

***

  
_'Watch the show tomorrow, please. For me. Arthur.'_

Merlin lay there on his bed, staring at the text on his phone. Even after reading it for the twentieth time, it still didn't make any more sense. Was Arthur just being cruel, wanting Merlin to tune in just to see him be fine, or worse, to talk about Elena. He assumed they were together now, she'd been at the party with him the other night after all. There had been one moment where Arthur had looked at him and there was something in his eyes, that gave Merlin some notion of hope but Elena had walked up and clung to his arm like a bloody limpet. Well, he wasn't going to give Arthur the satisfaction. He put his phone on the table and rolled over, closing his eyes.

Naturally, he woke at 7am. He groaned looking at the time, willing himself back to sleep. However, the bright light radiating through the curtains combined with the fact that his body was so used to early mornings by now, meant that he seemed incapable of a lie-in. With nothing else to do, he got out of bed and traipsed into the kitchen, flicking the kettle on. He made a cup of tea quietly, making one up for Gwen as well, knowing she would be up soon. A quick glance to digital clock on the cooker told him it was now 7:18. He planted himself on his usual spot in front of the television, determined not to turn it on. He blew on his tea to cool it before taking a small sip. He caved, switching the telly on at the point then using the remote. He flicked channels aimlessly, finding nothing worth watching on any of them. He paused when a familiar face appeared on screen. He was surprised to see Lance on screen for a second, until he remembered Morgana telling him that Lance would be filling in for him until they could find a permanent replacement. She said they were starting the interviews this week but Merlin had a feeling that she was still holding out hope that Merlin would accept the permanent contract. 

Merlin's hand was still paused on the remote as the camera switched and Arthur's face filled the screen. Merlin's heart jumped as Arthur introduced himself with a smile. 

"Don't do this to yourself," came Gwen's sympathetic voice from behind him. On screen, Lance and Arthur were introducing themselves.

Merlin didn't take his eyes off the screen. "I'm watching for Lance," he replied, not even convincing himself. Gwen sighed as she went to grab the cup of tea from the kitchen. 

"So, good morning everyone," Lance said, sounding slightly anxious, as the camera panned back to show both of them. "So first up this morning, we'll be talking about the Royal Wedding which, as you all know is coming up next friday." The camera zoomed in on Lance. "I'm quite excited, are you Arthur?"

The camera shifted back Arthur. "Yes," he said with a smile. "It should be quite an event." The sound of his voice made Merlin's insides flip-flop and he cursed himself for still loving Arthur, despite all that had happened.

Lance seemed to have calmed a bit now, after the initial welcome bit. "And, from what I hear, you yourself might be hearing wedding bells soon as well Arthur? Elena is very lovely."

Merlin held his breath as the camera shot back to Arthur's face. Arthur paused for a moment, his expression unreadable. Then, his face relaxed and Arthur seemed to make a sudden decision. He straightened the papers against his knee, which Merlin knew to take as a sign that he was nervous. "Elena? No, Lance. I'm not dating Elena, I'm gay."

Even Lance seemed a little thrown by that one. There was a collective silence, both in the studio and in Merlin's flat. He knew Gwen had heard as well as he'd heard her spoon clatter loudly against the counter. 

Arthur acted as though nothing had happened. "But yeah, the Royal Wedding. I am very excited -- will you be watching?" 

Lance collected himself, sounding only the teensiest bit flustered as he replied in the affirmative and the show continued, as Merlin sat dumbfounded, trying to process the fact that Arthur had just outed himself on live television. And he wasn't dating Elena. 

Gwen slowly walked over and sat next to him, placing her tea on the table. "Did you know he was going to do that?" she asked quietly. Merlin shook his hair, still unable to form words. "Do you still love him?" she continued. Did he? Arthur had hurt him; he had hidden their relationship from Uther, from everyone. Then again, Arthur had also just come out on national television for him.

Merlin slowly turned to look at her. He nodded silently. She picked up her mug and leaned back against the back cushion. "What are you still doing here?" she asked finally. 

"I don't know," Merlin whispered. Gwen took a sip, observing him calmly. 

After a beat, Merlin's brain finally started working properly and he stood up quickly, spilling his tea on his pyjama's as he did so. He looked at Gwen for a split-second before running into his bedroom to frantically get dressed. 

***

Arthur felt like an idiot. What the hell had he been thinking? Telling the entire nation he was gay in some vain attempt at getting Merlin back. He didn't even know if Merlin had been watching the show, let alone if he even cared. Thankfully, nobody had bothered to come up after the show to tell him quite what an utter moron he actually was. He could do that by all by himself. Morgana had instead beamed at him, like she was a proud mother, and Leon had given him a sort of jerky pat on the back, then Arthur had bolted, wanting nothing more to get out of the building and look into emigrating as soon as possible. 

He tapped his foot repeatedly, waiting for the elevator to arrive on the ground floor. When the doors finally opened, he barged past the people in front, ignoring the hostile looks and tuts of 'How rude' they gave him, only concerned with getting away. He wasn't even looking where he was going as he rushed through the lobby, which was why it was unsurprising that he ran straight into somebody. Hot coffee spilled down his shirt and he swore under his breath, looking up with anger. "You stupid--" He stopped when he saw who was standing in front of him.

"That was your fault," Merlin said, with a rueful smile. He also had coffee down his thick green jumper but appeared completely unconcerned. 

Arthur gaped. "I--uh…" He trailed off and Merlin rose an eyebrow, his smile widening. 

"Eloquent as ever," Merlin said. "I watched the show," he added, after taking in Arthur's confused face. 

"Oh," was all Arthur could say. Merlin nodded, his eyebrows raised.

There was a beat in which they both stared at each other. Then --

"Well…kiss me then, you absolute prat," Merlin said impatiently.

Arthur finally found his voice and smirked at Merlin. "Bossy," he chastised and Merlin rolled his eyes. Arthur laughed and drew Merlin into his arms and when he finally brought their lips together, it was like coming home. He kissed Merlin deeply, unable to stop smiling against the kiss.

"I love you," he whispered in Merlin's ear, when they broke apart. Merlin pulled back, a tender blush spreading across his cheeks and Arthur thought he'd never seen something so beautiful.

"I thought you hated me," Merlin said, shy for once in his life, causing Arthur's heart to ache at the thought that Merlin actually believed that.

Arthur took Merlin's hands in his, clasping them to his chest. "I did," he said. "You were insolent, audacious, not to mention staggeringly incompetent--"

"Not really wooing me here," Merlin interjected, with an amused frown.

Arthur placed his hand over Merlin's mouth, continuing, "But then I thought: maybe that's what real love is; not hating somebody when you have every reason to."

Arthur felt Merlin's lips pull into a smile as he tugged Arthur's hand away from his mouth, placing a sweet kiss to the palm as he did so. His eyes were glistening ever so slightly and he threw his arms around Arthur, holding him as close as humanly possible, yet it still wasn't close enough. And it was this, the intimacy of Merlin's touch, the way his heart felt like it was expanding up to the point where it would burst right out of his chest, the smell of Merlin's shampoo; it was all of it that made Arthur realise that he was wrong before. That people don't chip away at you until there's nothing left. They add pieces to you until there's no more room left. They make you complete.

"I love you too," Merlin replied, pulling Arthur out of his philosophical thoughts. "Now, lets get you out of that wet shirt," he pulled back, a wicked smile playing against his lips. Arthur smiled, pulling Merlin's mouth back to his own. 

__

The End

_  
_Epilogue:_  _

"Hello I'm Merlin Emrys."

"And I'm Arthur Pendragon and welcome to Wake Up Britain. So good morning, are you awake yet you lazy sods?"

"Arthur, you can't talk -- I had to physically drag you out of bed this morning whilst hitting you with a slipper."

"Well, only because someone kept me up all night watching 'Love Actually'. Honestly, you're such a girl Merlin."

"Oh hush, you love it. You cried when that woman played the Joni Mitchell CD."

"…It was very sad."

"Aw, baby."

"Anyway, this morning we'll be looking at how to make the perfect christmas dinner -- Merlin, pay attention to this bit. I want a nice turkey."

"Yes, dear."

We'll also be looking at ways you can get involved with your local charity this year."

"I'm selling all of Arthur's shirts and donating the money to charity."

"Don't you dare touch my shirts, Merlin. We'll also be doing a fascinating piece on the origin of some of your favourite Christmas carols."

"Are you sure fascinating is the word Arthur?"

"It is when the alternative is listening to you drone on."

"Oh please, you talk way more rubbish than me."

"Do not."

"You do!"

"I really don't, I'm extremely interesting."

"…Sure. You just keep telling yourself that."

"Anyway! We'll also be showing you how to save money by making Christmas cards out of stuff you might find around your house, providing of course, you live in an Arts and Crafts shop."

"Are you getting me a Christmas card Arthur?"

"If you're good."

"I'm always good."

"Hmm..."

"Name one time I'm not good Mr Pendragon."

"You shrunk my favourite jeans to the size of a dolls."

"Oh yeah. Huh, I was expecting you to bring up how I spilled wine on your chair."

"You spilled wine on my chair?"

"Don't be daft, Arthur. Right, first up, we have our very own Christmas tree that we're going to decorate on air for you after the break"

"You spilled _wine_ on my chair?!"

"Shut up, you love me."

"Merlin, you can't just keep saying that whenever you ruin my things!"

"Yes, I can."

"…"

"Right folks, we'll be back after the ads. If Arthur hasn't killed me that is."

"See you in a few. _Merlin_ \--"

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for all the kind feedback about this story. I've even come across it on a few rec lists which is just insane.   
> I know it's been years (life gets in the way) but I would love to write again soon, I'm just awaiting the inspiration. If anyone has any good prompts, let me know!


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